The Simple Life at Home

I've been reading quite a bit lately about the minimalism movement.  I have to say that it certainly sounds appealing.

The idea of having just the bare necessities sounds wonderful.  So much less to worry about, to move about while dusting, to hunt through while looking for something else.  Sounds like my idea of heaven on earth.

But actually making it happen in real life?  That's a whole other matter.  Most people have an abundance of personal possessions, things that they cling to for better or for worse.  This can range from sentimental treasures picked up while traveling to every little doo-hickey or gadget that ever crosses our paths that we keep because "someday it might come in handy."

Having recently helped a friend as she packed up to repatriate back to the US, I was struck by the amount of stuff we accumulate.  (Yes, Melissa, should you ever read this, this means you.  Still love you!) I started to think ahead to when we move back home, hopefully in about 2 years.  I decided then and there that I needed to streamline my life well in advance of that move.  Not just for the sake of a smooth move, but for the sake of my sanity every day in between now and then.

Some of the minimalist blogs I've been looking at are a little too radical for me.  Selling off their cars, moving in with parents, only owning enough towels for one for each person in the family.  I'm not quite there yet.  I don't know that I ever will be.  That's why I'm calling this post "Minimal Minimalism." I just want to simplify without hardship.  To me, that seems to negate the point.

In the course of my brain processing all this, I actually discussed with Hubby perhaps getting rid of one of our cars.  After all, I live less than a 10 minute walk to school.  Couldn't the kids and I just walk to and from each day?

Hubby patiently listened and then reminded me that right now, in January, that might seem like an ideal plan.  But soon enough, January turns into April, which eventually brings June when the temperatures at 7 am during our morning walk would already be over 100 degrees and by 3:30 when we head home it would be well over 110.

This is why I married him.

I think that minimalism is great - but it should bring relief and happiness to our lives.  It shouldn't be just  getting rid of stuff for the sake of it. Maybe being car-less works for some people but it wouldn't for us. So here are a few areas where I think I can whittle away at the amount of "stuff" in our home and have it be a positive thing rather than a negative.

• My closet - I have a rather over-stuffed closet, but rarely use more than half of what is hanging in it.  Some of it I just have grown to dislike over the years, but some of it just doesn't fit.  Instead of telling myself, "I'll get back into it someday!!!" I should tell myself, "When I get back down into that size, I'll have worked hard enough at it that I will deserve a new wardrobe!"  Time to donate those clothes.
• Paper - I have tended to keep every paper that is some what official.  For years.  I have a filing cabinet that we moved over here with us five years ago that Hubby and I went through over Christmas break and weeded out maybe 75%.  I guess I don't really need maintenance records on cars that we no longer own or insurance policy documents on policies we've let lapse.  Who knew??
• Kitchen gadgets - Oh, this is getting a little sensitive now, I know.  I fancy myself somewhat of a good cook and have amassed quite a little stockpile of gadgety items in my kitchen.  So much so that I can barely close a couple of cabinet doors and drawers.  I need to ask myself - how often do I use this and does that make it worth me dealing with it taking up space?  The espresso machine that we bought two months before moving to Doha where we can't use it because it's a different voltage?  5 years it's been taking up massive space in my kitchen cabinets.  The rolling pin that I never really use because I can't make a pie crust to save my life, but I keep hoping I will  magically become a pie-maker extraordinaire?  It needs to go.  I'm going to try this plan - if i haven't used it in 6 months, put it in a box and move it to the storage room.  If by that time I haven't had to dig through the box looking for it, to the end-of-school-year garage sale it goes.
• Books - This is a real sacred cow for some, especially us homeschooling types. (Yes, yes, I know I haven't homeschooled in 4 years, but it's still in my blood.)  Hubby and I have 4.5 bookshelves of books, and the kids probably have enough to fill another one between the two of them.  We need to seriously assess what we need to keep (any material which enhances our spiritual life, for instance) and what we need to part with (school materials the kids have outgrown, fiction we won't ever read again, etc.).  I'd like to get it down to just three bookshelves, working our way down to just one eventually.

Way back when, I posted an 8 Week Menu Plan.  It was grand, it was ambitious, it worked fabulously.

Question: What was the bigger time waster in your past week? What was the payoff for you? Did it distract you, entertain you, allow you to avoid someone? Is there a way to use your time differently and have a greater, more significant impact? Maybe you need to watch less television and to read more, or perhaps instead of surfing the Internet, you could go for a walk or get some other exercise. Come up with a short list of alternate activities you can pursue the next time you are tempted to waste time by default.

Not surprisingly, my two biggest timewasters are the ones mentioned above - tv and the Internet. Both of these suck me in and cause me to waste away hours every day. I would wager to say that my payoff is in the fact that I just don't like doing the things that require effort on my part - cleaning the toilets, hanging laundry, exercising, even reading the Bible as it requires thought and concentration.

Honestly, I prefer to be amused. Jess over at Making Home wrote an excellent post on how our modern day amusements are dulling our minds. It's a very thought-provoking piece that I've been mulling over. Here's one of the best parts:

We are in danger of being lulled to sleep, mentally, emotionally, culturally, and SPIRITUALLY-- by our amusements. When our days and nights are filled with technology, news, and fantasy games, and our homes, garages, and storage buildings are filled with toys, electronics, appliances, decorations, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff..., our minds are in danger of being overtaken, not only by our stuff (although I would argue that most Americans are indeed fixated on stuff), and not only by our amusements (although I would argue that most Americans are indeed fixated on amusements), but also by a creeping indifference to the dying, the poor, the uneducated, the spiritually dead people around the world.

When I think back to the "olden days," I think that an entirely different mindst was in place. People worked hard and took satisfaction in a job well-done. Entertainment options were limited, at best, and often consisted of a family sitting together at night reading aloud or playing music together. Yes, the work was back-breaking and time-consuming. But the family worked together and it wasn't an option. Survival often relied upon it.

Now obviously we can't go back in time. But I can try to adopt a similar mindset of work before play. I can take pride in my work and in accomplishing my goals. In order to try to escape from the mindless drivel that often occupies much of my day I want to establish a habit of making my list of goals for the day (including exercise and time with God, as well as homemaking responsibilities and enrichment activities - reading, etc.). My goals is to refrain from using both the television and computer until after I've completed those tasks.

I want to keep my mind, body and soul engaged with what I'm doing. I want to focus on the things that matter to me.

The hours and minutes I waste can never be regained.

As I was doing a little shopping the other day (which I am doing WAAAAY too much of here in the States!!!), I ran across the calendar display. As usual at this time of year, they are out there in abundance. The one that caught my eye was called the "Mom Organizer" or some such title. It was full of little stickers like "dance class," "soccer practice," "test," etc. All kinds of cute things to keep track of everything you and your kids might be involved in.

And then I realized I didn't need any of them.

In my quest to simplify our lives, and in part due to our move to Doha, we haven't gotten involved in any extra-curricular type activities. We've been very, VERY low-key since moving. To the point of almost being bored to tears. But that's another story.

My initial reaction after realizing I had no need for this calendar was a sense of worthlessness. As if my self-worth is wrapped up in how many projects and activities demand my time. This is actually not the first time I've thought about it.

From time to time, I've gone through periods where I've stepped back from one activity or another and realized I had a sense of loss. Loss of identity, in a way. If I wasn't (insert activity name here), who was I? Why would anyone want to be my friend? Was I doing enough to please God?

Obviously, it's an issue I haven't yet conquered, given my reaction to the calendar. But there are signs of it in my life as well. I've begun working with the youth group at our church in Doha. I'm also teaching Sunday school on a monthly basis. I'll be joining the women's ministry leadership team in the new year. I'm considering leading a Bible study for young girls in our home. And I'm planning on enrolling both kids in at least one extracurricular activity each upon our return to Doha.

And since all this is in the works, I've been feeling better about life. I've tried to take time to pray about each decision and talk with my husband about them. I'm trying to make sure that I don't just add activity to fill my sense of loneliness and boredom.

I do want to strive to maintain a simple life, but does that mean staying at home all the time? There's more to it than that. It's about finding a balance between activity for the sake of busy-ness and meaningful work for the sake of being a blessing to my family, my church and God.

How do you find that balance?

Following up on my thoughts earlier this week, I've decided that I really need to stop and think about what having a "simple life at home" means to me.

• It means freeing myself from the consumerism that surrounds us. Choosing to be happy with what I already have, rather than expecting more "things" to make me happy. Wanting what I have, rather than having what I want.
• It means finding joy in the small things of life - a sunny day, the chirping of the birds outside my window, a child's laugh. Appreciating all the blessings which God showers on me.
• It means making my home into a haven for myself and my family. Taking joy in the work which God has given to me - knowing that all of it glorifies God and brings blessings upon my family.
• It means preparing simple, wholesome, healthy meals for my family - an effort which takes time and forethought.
• It means lowering my expectations in some areas, and raising them in others.

Right now in the background, "Under the Tuscan Sun" is playing on my television. While I'd love to pick up and move to a villa in Tuscany, that's just not going to happen. But I can create the same effect. I can recreate my life, starting fresh with new priorities and new thought patterns.

It won't always be easy - changing a lifetime of self-indulgence will take time.

But at least now I have a place to start.

I seem to have gotten away from one of the purposes of this blog - to chronicle my attempts to live more simply.

What with homeschooling and moving across the world and, well, just plain normal life, trying to live a simple life has slipped by the wayside.

And truthfully, it's gotten harder for me now. When I was still in the States, I pretty much had everything I could want. I had been settled in the same house and/or neighborhood for over 14 years. I had amassed a huge amount of stuff. But in the process of the move, I streamlined big-time. We didn't know where we would be living or how big or small the house would be or what would be available when we got here.

Now I miss all my stuff. I miss my living room furniture that I sold. I miss the chairs that I gave to my friend's adult children. I miss the plastic plates. I miss the lamps I didn't bring.

And it's so tempting to just go out, whip out the credit card and replace it all.

But we are trying to get out of debt and trying to eliminate credit card usage so that's not an option.

So I sit, wishfully thinking of all that I "need." Perhaps this is God's way of helping me learn to be content. After all, I have much more than many in the world have. Much, much more.

I want to learn to be happy with or without all the trappings of the world. I want to teach my children that happiness isn't found in a credit card.

While I'm working on it, I found a great website that I'm going to be using. Christian Simple Living is full of great ideas. I think I'll be spending a lot of time there in the next few days/weeks/months.

Have you ever watched "Little House on the Prairie?" Of course you have! Or perhaps you've read the books to your children. When I read them to mine, what stuck out is how much work homemaking was back then.

That's where I am right now, internet.

Ok, honestly maybe I'm at the "Leave it to Beaver"stage, some 70 years further along. But definately it's far different from any home-making I've ever had to do. This is the fourth home that Hubby and I have lived in. First we lived in his tiny, 400 sq. ft. apartment which was pretty much set up already, bachelor pad that it was. Several months later, we moved into our first house. We were there for about 8 years before moving around the corner. Each time I had no problem transitioning smoothly. Things were basically the same.

This is a whole other story. Moving to Doha has been an adventure in more ways than one. Having left behind some of the things I took for granted, I am now looking at my home in a whole new way. There is no one place here for which I can get everything I need - no Target, no Wal-Mart. Each store has some things that it is better to shop for and others it's not going to have. The same with grocery stores - we've visited a million of them and still there are things I'm looking for, things that in the States would be no problem to find.To me it reminds me of the days when you had to go to many different stores (butcher, baker, candlestick maker) to get what a home needed.

I also, for the time being, do not have either a dryer or dishwasher. Dishes are being washed and dried by hand and clothes are being hung up to dry, necessitating a great deal more ironing.

While I will probably soon break down and buy one, if not both of these items, for the time being I'm am enjoying being more...connected, if you will, with my home. I'm spending much more time actually working at being a homemaker; making this a place of refuge and a haven for my family.

I know that many of you probably live every day (and have for years) without these little luxuries. I am in no way trying to complain. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, for the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm really "working" on my home. Not just maintaining, but actually working: to make it a better place, to make it comfortable and attractive, to make it the control center of our lives.
Proverbs 31: 10-31, NIV

(Now, where did those servant girls go???)

Update: I've got 47 out of the 101 finished, so I'm close to half way done with still 14 months to go. Several of the things will get checked off the list while we are in the process of moving. Unfortunately, the moving will also make some of the items either difficult or impossible to do, so I'm going to need to replace some of the original goals. Those items are in red, with the replacement goal next to it in black as I think of them.

Some of you have already heard of my attempt to complete 101 things in 1001 days. Feel free to skip this post!

For those of you who think I'm speaking in some kind of binary language, let me explain. I came across this idea at Enjoy the Journey and thought it was wonderful. The idea is to come up with a list of things you'd like to accomplish, but with a reasonable time frame. 1001 days comes up to about 2.75 years. That way, you still have a deadline approaching, but should you miss doing something (say going to a sunrise service on Easter morning), you still have the chance to do it the next year.

So here is my amended list. I made some changes once I thought about it and realized that some things didn't really matter that much to me. And since it's my list, I can do that! Things that are completed will be bolded with the date next to it. Some things may just have a note about the progress.


The List
Begun 7/12/06 - Deadline 4/8/09

Updated: 1/30/08

1. Read through the Bible start to finish (currently in i Kings)
2. Go a week with no tv (8/8/06)
3. Memorize a verse a week
4. Do a 24 hour fast
5. Start journaling again (June 2007)
6. Watch a sunrise on the beach by myself
7. Do Advent readings and an Advent wreath
8. Go an entire week without saying anything negative about anyone
9. Go away for a weekend alone with my husband
10. Take a dance class with my hubby
11. Keep the desk clean and neat for my husband
12. Pray for my husband daily
13. Do not complain about my hubby to anyone (December 2007 - I think I've got a handle on this one)
14. Throw my husband a surprise birthday party (he's never had a birthday party in his entire life!)
15. Iron a week ahead of time for at least one month (December 2007)
16. Read and complete all assignments in Fascinating Womanhood
17. Play pool with hubby ( 7-12-07 - He beat me!!!)
18. Personal thing between my hubby and myself. No snickering, please!
19. Take the family to visit a historical site
20. Take the kids to the Dead Sea
21. Do a Bible study with my daughter (ok, not a Bible study per se, but we are working our way through Beautiful Girlhood)
22. Get in the routine of having a fancy Sabbath dinner each week
23. Take my kids somewhere fun just for the heck of it (8/5/06)
24. Have a family picnic (7/15/06)
25. Teach my daughter to cook 14 meals well (she's learned 5 so far)
26. Cull the bookshelves to make more free space (12/4/06)
27. Paint the kids' bathrom a pretty color (10/9/06)
28. Keep the van clean for one month (8/15/06)
29. Organize the linen closets (12/5/06) and yet it needs done again!
30. Take a one week Internet vacation
31. Go through the house ruthlessly and get rid of excess stuff (12/1/06 and ongoing)
32. Rip all my cd's (03/05/07)
33. Do all the filing that has been piling up (9/29/06)
34. Make a household inventory for insurance purposes (1/30/08)
35. Sort jewelry box and get rid of items I'll never wear (7/26/06)
36. Find a workable system for organizing the home (December 2007 - Finally, a place for everything and everything in its place!!!)
37. Use the crockpot once a week (no date as this is a process)
38. Save $1000 for my personal discretionary emergency fund
39. Have enough in the pantry that I could skip grocery shopping for two weeks
40. Pay off all debt except for the house
41. Have a mega garage sale to get rid of stuff (12/06/06)
42. Figure out the Prepaid college fund account and get up to date (7/24/06)
43. Get driver's license corrected (5/20/07)
44. Use up all the lotions, cosmetics, etc. before buying more (December 2007)
45. Get highlights (March 2008)
46. Grow a vegetable garden (August 2007)
47. Learn Arabic through Rosetta Stone
48. Take a seminary class I find interesting (Won't be able to do this now due to move)
49. Take a homemaking class (07/07))
50. Start a blog (6/11/07)
51. Learn to make kanaffe, an Arabic dessert (1/1/07)
52. Learn to make movies on the computer (10/11/07 - Thanks, Emily!!)
53. Read a classic book every couple of months (have read 6 so far)
54. Learn a new recipe each month
55. Take advantage of the free museum nights here in town
56. Learn how to make P.F. Chang's Lettuce Wraps (6/14/07 - They were yummy!)
57. Make bread from scratch (September 24, 2007 - Yum!)
58. Make pizza from scratch (May 2008)
59. See a Broadway show
60. Get a Wii (great for those hot days in Qatari summers - at least we'll be up and about rather than lying on the couch) (March 2008)
61. Go to a concert (September 11, 2007)
62. Host a fancy dinner party (August 17, 2007)
63. Get all the fish in Animal Crossing (7/13/06 - see how lame I am?)
64. Go to a U-pic for strawberries and tomatoes (1/17/08 - oh my gosh - Delish!!)
65. See Shakespeare in the park (7/15/06)
66. Take kids to a drive-in movie
67. Fall asleep on a blanket in the backyard
68. Visit the Burj Al-Arab
69. Go for a walk in the rain (March 2008)
70. Donate blood twice a year
71. Watch a meteor shower (August 28, 2007)
72. Get my weight down to 140
73. Drink only water for one week (October 9, 2007)
74. Walk 30 minutes a day
75. Get my eating under control
76. Find a form of exercise I really enjoy (6/12/07 - swimming!!)
77. See a dermatologist about rosacea (9/28/06)
78. Take vitamins daily
79. Floss every day for at least a month
80. Try a fruit I've never tried before (12/22/06 - papaya and carambola)
81. Go to bed by 10 pm for a month
82. Don't eat after 8 pm for a month
83. Feel better at 40 than I did at 30
84. Find a doctor I like
85. Try edamame (1/13/07)
86. Spend a day at the spa (pedicure, manicure, massage and facial)
87. Buy some nice new pj's - not to fancy or to sloppy looking (9/30/06)
88. Get a good tan (please no lectures!)
89. Start wearing shoes in the house
90. Get braces
91. Get teeth professionally whitened
92. Go shopping at Ann Taylor
93. Do a full skin-care routine for a month
94. Find a good red lipstick
95. Be able to tuck in my shirt and like the way I look
96. Grow my hair long (10/1/06)
97. Find a great brown leather purse (7/21/06)
98. Move out of South Florida (March 26, 2008!!!)
99. Send out Christmas cards in early December
100. Stop interrupting people (much improvement here, but not completely under control)
101. Make a new 101 list when this one is completed

How many times a day do you say that to your children?

How many times a day do you tell it to yourself?

The world today seems to be moving at light speed. We are rushed in everything we do. There is little time to slow down and relax.

And speaking of relaxing, how often do you get to do that? Do you feel like falling asleep as soon as you sit down? Are you constantly exhausted?

I am. This week has been particularly hard for me. I'm trying to kick my Pepsi addiction and I've been dragging, let me tell you. I guess that caffeine and sugar did more for me than help me gain a whole lot of weight! I've just been too darn exhausted to post this week. Each afternoon I've taken a nap, even when I didn't want to. Friday I found myself falling asleep at 11:00 a.m.!!!

That's what we're looking at today in our series on The Overload Syndrome , by Dr. Richard Swenson - hurry and fatigue. I think that these two conditions are the 21st century equivalent of the plague. They affect almost everyone and people can literally die from them.

We've already looked at why our world is so hurried - many of us take on too much and refuse to accept natural, God-given limits. We feel pressured by the many expectations on us and try to keep up with everyone around us.

And where does all the fatigue come from? Well, short of saying it's from a lack of caffeinated drinks, there are many reasons. The stress we are under is a huge fatigue inducer. And, as we saw before, we are never at rest having made ourselves available to everyone all the time. On top of that, millions of us are sleep-deprived. In 1850, the average American got 9.5 hours of sleep nightly. That number has now dropped to 7 hours per night, thanks to electricity and the light bulb. We are a 24 hour society that never shuts down.

Also, we are out of shape. The work that we do from day to day is now automated or done at a desk. Even as homemakers, our work has changed dramatically over the years. Our "servant girls" are time savers such as dishwashers, Roombas, vacuum cleaners, washers and dryers. These all replaced hard, physical labor that needed to be done. As a result, we must force ourselves to do exercise when it was once just a normal part of a woman's day.

So how can we combat the hurry and fatigue? Here are some tips from Dr. Swenson:

1. Consciously slow the pace of life - Say no. Say no. Say no. This is the best advice I think anyone can hear. Say no to all the extra activities you (or your children) do just to keep up with everyone else. Say no to buying the extra things that will require extra work either to pay for or maintain. Say no to people who would suck you dry. And say yes to opening yourself up to God's blessings.
2. Use technology wisely - Use cell phones, answering machines, fax machines and alarm clocks judiciously. Learn when to turn them off and when to ignore them.
3. Throw away the alarm clock - God has a plan; that we wake when we get enough sleep. Now, I know some of us have to get up and go places early in the morning. But if you don't, consider whether or not you truly need to use an alarm clock or whether it's just habit.
4. Repent of the pride of busyness - "The busier we appear, the greater the respect afforded us. While the person sitting on the porch swing is scorned, the speed of light jet jockey is venerated. . . It is not busyness that we should honor in our midst, but love. Busyness and love are not the same. One is speed, the other is God."
5. Take your time - Persistence is more important than speed. Life is a marathon not a sprint. To finish sooner - take your time. Measure twice, cut once. Avoid shortcuts - they take too much time in the long run.
6. Set an earlier ETA - Plan to arrive at your destination a little early. By planning to arrive just in time, you remove any margin for error - traffic, the need to stop for gas, getting lost, etc. This leads to a sense of urgency, which leads to stress. Of course, this means setting an earlier time to leave, but it's well worth it.
7. Develop healthy sleep habits - Sleep is restorative. It's part of God's plan for us. Value it. Choose to get enough of it. To be well-rested is a blessing. Learn to enjoy a nap without feeling guilty.
8. Exercise - This can greatly counteract fatigue. We conveniently never find time for it, but if we make the time we can reap a bountiful harvest of blessings - greater health, longer life, more vitality.
9. Understand the will of God - He is not so desperate for resources that He needs to double our workload. Yes at times He will demand more from us, but this is for the purpose of refining us, not because His will will not be accomplished otherwise. God will give us all that we need when we need it. If we are overstressed, perhaps it is because we are not in His will.

I hope that these simple ideas can help you find some peace and rest. Remember that God wants us to enjoy our lives!

Continuing on in our series looking at The Overload Syndrome, by Dr. Richard Swenson, today we move to the pressures that expectation puts on us.

And it's expectation from every corner - from our families, our friends, our society, ourselves. Especially in the Western media-saturated, affluent society there is the pressure to "keep up with the Joneses." But it's about more than money. We expect health, wealth and ease and are discontent if more doesn't come - no matter how well off we are.

We are supposed to be beautiful, thin, fashionable; to drive a nice car, live in a nice house that's always clean, and own nice things; to be the perfect parent and perfect wife.

Let's look at some of the expectations most of us hold:

1. Car - one befitting our status so people can see where we stand just driving down the road
2. House - Americans have doubled the size of our homes, while halving the size of our families over the past 40 years. Part of the problem is we have too much "stuff." But part of it is that we expect to buy the biggest, best house we can stretch ourself to afford.
3. Careers -We expect that our jobs (or our husband's jobs) will provide for us, that the benefits will insulate us, for our companies to be faithful to us. In this age of downsizing, though, millions have been disappointed by their expectations in this area.
4. Retirement - This is a completely modern notion. It is found nowhere in the Bible. Try to find it - I've looked. Actually, there are very few countries where this is even possible. And yet, we fret over whether our savings will be enough.
5. Looks - Don't have the perfect body/face? Buy it with plastic surgery! Aren't thin enough? Your skin isn't peaches and cream? Don't have the currently in vogue stick-straight hair? There are thousands of companies willing to sell you as much as you will buy of whatever product will cure your beauty woes.
6. Government - Through its many social welfare programs, government has helped many people. But it's also created a dependence on itself and a culture of entitlement. We must learn to be self-sufficient.
7. Medicine - No doctor can know all the answers - they are human after all. And yet, we expect every treatment to work, to be healed of every illness, for our insurance companies to pay all the bills and mostly, for our doctors to know all the answers.
8. Marriage - We place on our mate's extraordinary expectations to meet our needs and to make us happy. And yet, the divorce rate is out of this world. We expect more and put up with less.
9. Parenting - This goes two ways. We expect ourselves to have all the answers, to be able to "produce" good and godly children, forgetting that they make their own choices. But also, we place huge expectations on them - they have to be super-smart or beauty queens or star athletes - something that shows that we are doing it right.
10. Traditions - Weddings must be grand, lavish affairs. To show our love to our kids (and others) we must lavish them with presents at Christmas. We expect our holidays to look like something out of Currier and Ives.

So how do we avoid expectation overload? How do we choose to live simple, godly lives? I think the first step is to first and foremost seek to please God and let that desire be your driving force. Here are some tips from Dr. Swenson.

1. Respect Limits - accept that you aren't Supermom, that you can't do it all. God is the one who created limits, don't forget. We inflate ourselves and our importance in life, we crash and burn. There are other people who can pick up what you can't do (bake sale, anyone?).
2. Adjust your expectations - Our world has taught us that we should always expect more. But the truth is if we adjust our expectations downward, we will find less to be unhappy about. Bishop Wellington Boone (who I know nothing about save for this quote) said, "We thought the way up was up. But with God, the way up is down." If we understand that humanity is fallen and life is difficult, we are more likely to be content with the simple blessings God sends our way.
3. Redefine enough - What does "enough" mean to you? For many, it means "More than I have now." Try defining it instead as, "What I have now." Know that God provides all your NEEDS, though not necessarily all your wants.
4. Compare yourself to the less fortunate - Don't look at the celebrities. Look instead to the simple lives of those who live in Third World nations and yet are satisfied with their lot. They find joy in small things and in community.
5. Tune out advertising - 'Nuff said.
6. Simplify holidays - Reduce money expenditures. Focus instead on spending time with family and friends and on the faith you have. Keep it simple. I know, harder said than done, but remember, we are learning to live with new expectations.
7. Resist inflated housing expectations - Just because we can afford that expensive house, doesn't mean we have to buy it. Choosing not to do so will give you a financial boost for decades to come. Be content where you are.
8. Free your spouse - They will never be able to meet all your needs. Only God can do that. Our spouses will always disappoint us. Only God won't ever disappoint. Remember that you are the only one you have control over.
9. Love your kids unconditionally - Let them be children and play. Let them grow up at their own pace (which is much slower than the one promoted by the media). Have age-appropriate expectations and lavish on the love.
10. Don't serve on a silver platter - Even if you are able to afford to give your kids whatever they want, don't. Let them learn the value of hard work. Help them learn to be content.
11. Free yourself from the opinion of others - For me, this is the hardest one. A.W. Tozer said this, "The heart's fierce effor to protect itself from every slight, to shield its touchy honor from the bad opinion of his friend and enemy, will never let the mind have rest. Continue this fight through the years and the burden will be intolerable. Such a burden as this is not necessary to bear. Jesus calls us to His rest, and meekness is His method. The meek man cares not at all who is greater than he, for he has long ago decided that the esteem of the world is not worth the effort."
12. Deny yourself - This is what Christ preached - to deny ourselves and follow Him. It's a normal and expected part of the Christian life. But in today's world, we deny ourselves nothing. Self-denial is not about punishing ourselves, but about focusing us and freeing ourselves. It points us in the direction that matters most.

Do you ever feel like this? Just when you settle in with a good book the phone rings. Or the doorbell. Or your cell phone.

Or maybe you're in the powder room, soaking in a bubble bath or, ahem, attending to other needs. Suddenly, a child's voice is demanding your attention from the other side of the door.

Or you come home from a busy day out to find your answering machine full of calls for you to return. No matter that you don't really want to talk to any of these people - the mere fact that they left you a message means that you are now obligated to return the call. To not do so would be rude.

In today's look at Dr. Richard Swenson's book, The Overload Syndrome we will look at how constant accessibility contributes to a sense of, well, being overloaded. Technology that has brought us the ability to keep in contact at any given time and any given place has also removed much of the privacy and the ability to take advantage of moments of solitude. It's a double-edged sword.

I often tell my husband (when I'm in the midst of complaining about not having enough time to myself!) that I envy the fact that he gets to drive to and from work every day. All. Alone. 90% of the time that I spend in the car, the children are with me. Now, my dear friend Laurie has children who get in the car and sit quietly and look out the windows. Everyone just chills out for a bit.

Not my son.

It's as if all the questions in his adorable, 10 year old mind suddenly rise to the surface and come spilling out. "Mom, if Darth Vader and Superman had a fight, who would win?" "Do you think are lizards in Dubai?" "Why is Pluto no longer considered a planet? And why don't we hear about the newly discovered planet UB-something or other (he knows the name and loves to bandy it about - me, I almost inadvertently called it Planet UB-40 before I realized that they probably don't have any Red, Red Wine there)?

But I digress.

All of these things make it impossible to just be alone; to have time with our thoughts. It used to be that one would have natural bits of quiet built into the day. Driving from one place to another. Meandering through a store. Going on vacation. But now you can check your email, make a phone call and check your messages from home. We are very rarely unplugged these days.

Now sometimes this is a good thing. But usually whatever we are emailing or calling about could certainly wait. Our society has made everything so urgent, that we fill up every moment trying to get it all done. The truth is, the tyranny of the urgent has blotted out what is truly important. A wonderful article on this subject is here. Reading it will help you see how Jesus stayed true to His priorities in the midst of constant demands on His time.

So what are we to do? How can we disconnect, if only for a short time, and regain some of that lost solitude that we all so desperately need? Here are some steps you may want to take:

1. Be discerning - recognize that all technology will have both positive and negative consequences. Understand this and make decisions based on which consequence dominates. Look at both sides of the coin, not just how beneficial it is.
2. Set boundaries - Protect your home and your family from unwanted intrusions. Turn the phone off during the dinner hour. Feel free not to answer the door if you aren't expecting someone. Hubby and I have declared Sunday afternoons until 4:00 as rest time. The neighborhood children know not to come over, the phones get turned off. We may nap or swim or whatever we choose to do, but it's OUR time.
3. Control interruptions - Choose to go to a quieter room. Maybe head to the library for a while to work or study. Work later or night or earlier in the morning when you are less likely to be disturbed.
4. Control the telephone - It is not against the law to not answer your phone. Turn it off or unplug it temporarily. Or just let the answering machine get it. Use caller id so you don't get trapped talking for hours with your neighbor when you need to be focusing on another task.
5. Deactivate the answering machine - If it's truly important they will call back. This way the responsibility is on them, not you. This also prevents annoying games of telephone tag!
6. Retreat - Once in a while try to get away. Maybe just an overnight at a local hotel. Or maybe declare a retreat at home with your family. Tell people you are taking a family vacation for the weekend, shut off the phones, order pizza and just hang out together.
7. Actively seek solitude - Use it for rest. Use it to build your relationship with God and yourself. Cultivate a contemplative life. Don't be afraid of it. If you can be content when it's just you and God, you will never suffer from loneliness. Hey, if Jesus needed to go away for solitude, how much more do we?

Continuing with my study of "The Overload Syndrome," by Dr. Richard Swenson, today I'd like to look at the effect that change can have on our stress levels and what we can do about it. We'll also look at ways we can reduce the effects stress has on us.

The world has changed dramatically in the last 150 years. More so than at any time in history. Think about it - for thousands of years, people travelled in much the same way - by foot or by horse. We communicated by hand-writing (and having hand-delivered) with pen and paper. People tended to stay within their community for their entire lives, meaning that they had extended family nearby.

Change that did occur happened gradually, slow and controlled. Now change happens before our eyes. We can be on the other side of the world in a day. We can speak to people anywhere in the world, or send them an instant message and get a reply instantly.

In a 5 year period, 40-50 percent of Americans will move. A typical American will live in 12-13 homes over their life, twice as many as the average European. America has the highest divorce rate in the world. All of this leads to instability - in our homes and in our churches. In fact, the average American will change churches every four years.

Besides all this, there have been profound moral and social changes in the last 50 years, devastating traditions, rewriting the rules, upsetting moral structures. Just a few of the affected areas include: poverty, parenting styles, day care usage, birth control and sexuality mores, medical ethics, music, movies, and television.

So how do we combat all of this? After all, everything I've just mentioned is systemic - we can't change it by ourselves. We don't have the ability to turn the clock back to a simpler time, a time when life revolved around family and church. However, there are some steps we can take to protect our families from the tidal waves of change.

1. Slow the rate of change - If you have been thinking about moving, put it on hold for 6 months. Stay at your church - if there are problems, be part of the solution. Don't give up on it so easily. Just the very state of continuity (having the same home, friends, school, church, etc.) can help to prevent stress.
2. Don't overvalue newness - Just because the companies come out with something Improved! or Better! doesn't mean it is. Don't feel compelled to throw out something you have that works perfectly well, just to spend money on the newest gadget that comes on the market. Often new products only offer novelty, nothing else. Seriously consider if what you are buying will improve your life.
3. Find a safe haven - This could be a place, a belief, a person or group - anything that is constant over time, regardless of other changes. Maybe it's a routine of having devotions. Or a favorite spot you go to where you can think and connect with God. A small group where you feel safe sharing your life. The safe havens provide safe harbors in a storm.
4. Realize you have more control than you think - Can you control everything that happens to you? No. But you can control your response to it. You decide if you will react by "freaking out" or by trusting God. I once read that Amy Carmichael said this, "A cup of sweet nectar will never spill a bitter drop, no matter how hard it is knocked." The idea is that no matter what comes along, what's inside of you (be that sweetness or bitterness) is what will spill out.
5. Spread goodwill - By helping others, you deflect the attention you pay to yourself. Focusing on others allows us to forget our own problems. Plus, you are building a network that will be there to help you when you need it.
6. Don't worry - Corrie ten Boon said, "I had to learn that worry is sin before I could get rid of the worry." Christ told us not to worry. We cannot accomplish anything by worrying and it has detrimental physical effects to our body. Turn your troubles over to God.
7. Learn to laugh.
8. Play music that relaxes your spirit.
9. Rest.
10. Breathe deeply.
11. Exercise.
12. Limit your time with negative people.
13. Remember that the biggest problem of all was solved at the cross. "In this world you will have tribulation," said Jesus. "But be of good cheer for I have overcome the world."

Sometimes it seems as though the world is moving at light speed. I know in my home, I'd like to just shut the world out. I can't do it 100%, but I can try to limit the impact on my family.

You know how it is - you need to go to playgroup, the doctor's appointment, soccer practice, piano lessons, Wednesday night church, play rehearsal, park group, gymnastics, the grocery store, the dry cleaners, the library, Scouts, and on and on and on....

Whoever came up with the name "stay-at-home mom" obviously wasn't one!

Our society is a society made up of busy people. Everyone feels the pressure to have a full calendar; to keep themselves (and their children!) occupied. It's very often how we measure the value of a person these days. The busier you are, the more important you must be.

I think this is a trap that mothers especially can fall into. Mothers, especially those who do not have outside-the-home careers, very often find their sense of worth in their children. The more accomplished our children are, the better mother we must be, right?

Honestly, how many of us can say that when we hear another mother bragging on her kid (Johnny just won the science fair! Suzie took 1st place at the gymnastics meet! Mikey hit the winning home run! Jane got the lead part in The Nutcracker!) that we don't feel as if we aren't doing enough? That our children need to somehow be doing more?

This feeling of getting our worth through what we do, rather than who we are, is addressed in "The Overload Syndrome." I think we need to recognize two things - that God values us for who we are (His children) not what we do and, secondly, that God created both activity and rest and considers both to be good.

So how, then do we know where to draw the limits? Here are some ideas from Dr. Swenson:

1. Be active in self-examination and intentional in correction. Remember that nobody is truly locked into anything. You must re-establish control of your life and schedule. Just as a tree needs to be pruned to have the biggest yield, so our activities need to constantly be reviewed and some things may need to be pruned from our life in order for their to be fruit in our life.
2. Prioritize - get your priorities from the Word of God. Seek His kingdom first and everything else comes after that. Remember that people are more important than things.
3. Accept that sometimes you must say no to good things. It's easy to say no to bad things, but it's hard to say no to things you enjoy. Now, this is not an excuse for non-involvement or laziness. Rather it's a tool for learning to allow God to direct our lives and living by the priorities you set. You must learn to preserve your energy for the things that really are important to you.
4. Do less, not more - But choose to do the right things. Assess all activities for spiritual authenticity - is this really what you want to do (as opposed to feeling like you have to do)? Is this what God wants you to do?
5. Create space in your schedule. It's not healthy to be jam-packed.
6. Restore the practice of Sabbath rest. Use the Sabbath to both rest from busy-ness and to remember God's great deeds.
7. Allow yourself time to lie fallow. Farmers often allow fields to lie fallow in order to give the soil time to regenerate and heal. In the same way, I think we often need a sabbatical of sorts wherein we step back from what we do and just BE. Be with God. Be who God created. Be quiet.
8. Remember that it is God who gets things done. If we are faithful to do what He has called us to do, more will be accomplished than we could ever imagine. But we must be available to hear His voice - something we can't do if we are so busy with our own priorities.

Over the course of the next few days I will be seriously examining my life. I've already begun some of this process - I stepped down from teaching kids at church, Hubby and I have resigned leadership of our small group, I resigned from some of my duties with our homeschool support group.

I look forward to finding a more restful, Spirit-led life.

Y'all...I have to tell you. I am reading a book that I honestly think will change my life. It may even change yours.

It's called The Overload Syndrome by Richard Swenson, M.D. And I have been completely engrossed in it since I started reading it yesterday. On every page, I find myself saying, "Yes, that's me!" or, "Exactly!" or, "What a great idea!" Lots of thoughts with exclamation points at the end of them.

This book is all about how most of us in today's society struggle with trying to handle life's demands. You know what I mean - the feeling that you just barely make it through the day, that you don't have time to really live the life you know you are meant to live.

Dr. Swenson meets us head on, right where we are, and addresses every issue that prevents us from having the time and the space we need to be restored and to rest and heal. A few of the many issues he addresses that particularly spoke to me were "Activity & Commitment," "Change & Stress," "Choice & Stress," and "Hurry & Fatigue," and "Media Overload."

One thing that he points out early on is that God, our Creator, created us with limits - it's the way we are designed. And yet we so often try to ignore those limits, pushing our selves farther and faster than we were ever meant to go. Constantly trying to squeeze in "one more thing" is not the way God wants us to live our lives.

We must remember that we are called by God to do His will. Not our own. Not anyone else's. We so often try to live up to the expectations of other people (spouses, children, parents, neighbors, bosses, fellow church members - the list goes on and on). We must learn to trust in Him. He is the one who is really accomplishing things anyways. He's the one who is truly in charge of getting things done. It's our own lack of faith that makes us believe we must work so hard - that it's really up to us and not God.

I'll be sharing more of what I learn from this. I'm so excited about all the things I've read already, I can't wait to bless your socks off with them!

Well, part of the purpose of this blog is to share with you the steps our family is taking as we endeavor to simplify our lives. I'm not really sure I can come up with the words to explain what I'm going for here. I guess I'm just trying to distance myself from the worldview that I have to submit to so much advertising. That I find myself dependent on outside sources to the extent that we do now. I'm not expecting to become a hermit, living fully off the land, but I would like to not have to go to the store if I don't feel like it. I'd like not to feel so disconnected from the world God gave us. I'd like to have peace, not chaos in my little sphere of the world.

Here's an update on some of the things we are doing:

Our vegetable garden is underway! Hubby bought all that I needed for the soil and I got all of our transplants in the pots on Tuesday. This includes two varieties of tomatoes, plus a cherry tomato bush, a bell pepper plant and several herbs. Other things will have to be sown from seed - a task that's on my list for this weekend.

I am a water snob. You can't get me to drink tap water, unless it's got Crystal Lite mixed into it. So we have gone through tremendous amounts of bottled water over the years. A lot of bottled water. Then recently I started hearing about how bad bottled water is for the environment. Now, I'm not particularly a tree-hugger. I'm not sure where I come down on global warming. But I do believe that God calls us to care for His creation here. Many water bottles are filling our landfills, rather than being recycled. Plus the amount of fuel that is consumed to get the water from its source to the store. Then when I learned that most are taken from local municipal sources and filtered and bottled, I decided that was enough. I bought a Brita water filter pitcher and we have been happily bottle free ever since, saving us quite a bit of $ and saving the world from thousands of plastic bottles.

I've begun to do quite a bit of my cleaning with simple, non-chemical products, most notably vinegar and baking soda. The baking soda worked particularly well on my shower door, which even chemicals couldn't get clean! I'm planning on switching to homemade laundry detergent once I make sure it won't harm my HE washing machine (though that might be a blessing in disguise!! I hate that machine!).

Through using my 8 Week Menu Plan, I have been able to considerably reduce the amount of visits to the grocery store I have to make each week. I can't tell you how nice it is to not have to continually think about what I'm going to do for dinner. This menu is planned, the shopping list is ready, each day is assigned a meal. All that's left for me to do is do the shopping and the cooking - the fun and easy parts for me.

I'm working on spending more time at home - having days where we never even get in the car. Usually we run out and do something as soon as we think about it. Now, I'm trying to discipline myself to wait and run errands in groups or on certain days. There are two reasons for this. One, to be more disciplined in our schoolwork. Two, to use less gas in these days of outrageous gas prices.

I invested in divided laundry bins for both the kids and Hubby and I. This has made laundry so much easier for me to do - no more piles of sorted laundry all over the house! Now I just say, bring me "X" load and they grab it out of that specific bin. No muss, no fuss.

So that's a few things that we are working on here. I'd love to hear ways that you have added "simplicity" to your life!

I'm about ready to begin a new endeavor; one that will require a lot of time and planning and work and dedication. No, I'm not having another child - I'm planting a garden. A vegetable garden, to be exact.

Now, this is not the first time I've attempted this. In our old house, I had a small garden - nothing fancy, a few tomato plants, a pepper plant or two, some herbs. What I was able to harvest (read - what the raccoons and birds didn't get) was yummy. This time, though, I'm going all out. I'll be planting: tomatoes, cucumbers, green beans, cabbage, broccoli, onions, cauliflower, carrots, lettuce, zucchini, peppers, spinach, cherry tomatoes, radishes, parsley, mint and rosemary.

Now, I don't have acres of land to plant in. I live in the suburbs and have a fairly small yard, once you take out the space our screened-in porch takes up. So I'll be putting the garden inside the screening. There it will be protected from the local wildlife, be less exposed to pests and more convenient to water. How am I going to grow (hopefully!) all this inside my porch, you ask? Square-foot gardening! Believe it or not, all of what I listed above can be grown in just two 4' x 4' plots. At least, if you know what you're doing! I don't, so I don't know if I'll be able to pull it off, but I'm going to give it my best shot.

I'd love to be able to just step out onto the porch and pick the ingredients of a wonderful salad. To slice into a nice, juicy, red tomato - one that was truly vine-ripened instead of being picked to early and shipped half-way across the country. To go out and snip some fresh mint and parsley when I want to make tabbouleh for my hubby.

So one of my top to-do's for this week is to go to the store and get the materials I need for this project - something to frame out the plots with, the soil and fertilizers, seeds and transplants. I'm really excited. I've been wanting to do this for a while. Foolishly, in the past I followed directions on the seed packets and have just thrown things in the ground whenever the mood hit. But this time I've really researched the whole "gardening in South Florida" thing. It's a totally different kind of gardening. I''ll be trying to get the whole thing set up this week and then "solarizing" the garden to kill off nematodes for about 5 weeks or so. I hope to have things in the ground by mid-September. I'll post pictures if anything actually grows.

Moving on to the second way of interpreting being happy at home, today we'll look at some ideas for being content to stay home, rather than going out and spending money when you or the kids are bored. Here are some ideas I have:

• Watch a sunset together
• Go for a family walk
• Go to a local park or school grounds and play basketball or HORSE
• Turn on the sprinklers and run through them together
• Put up a tent and have a backyard camp out, complete with roasting marshmallows
• Have a water balloon or water gun fight
• Hold a karaoke contest
• Have a board game tournament over the course of several days
• Teach your kids to play a card game other than Go Fish
• Play dominoes together
• Make popcorn balls or some other special treat together
• Plan a "trip" to another country - find music and maybe a video at the library, and cook up a meal with that country's cuisine. Maybe you could even decorate and dress up!
• Spread a blanket in the yard and cloud watch...
• Or read a book to your children...
• Or have a picnic
• Hang a bird feeder and enjoy seeing your new visitors
• Plant a vegetable garden and make it a family project
• Teach your kids to cook
• Learn how to use a compass then go and use your skills
• Play Frisbee at night
• Try to break a world record
• Act out a play with costumes and make up
• Ask a grandparent about their wedding day or some of their most favorite fun moments
• Ask each other what your goal in life is
• Attack a household chore as a team then and celebrate as a team
• Build a fort with pillows from the couch
• Buy a telescope and stargaze together
• Go for a walk together
• Go to the playground
• Have a lemonade sale
• Make up a funky dance with your children
• Make up some instruments and start a band
• Play Twister
• Research your family tree
• Try to get as many family members together in one place
• Have a paper airplane distance contest
• Make a house out of card board boxes
• Next time you see a rainbow, stop and really admire it
• Play jacks or pickup sticks
• Positive daydreaming
• Sing even if you can't
• The next time it's really windy, find a safe place to lean into the wind
• Watch the moonrise
• Build a tree house or fort
• Get all the children to perform a skit
• Have a back yard talent show
• Host a yard sale as a family - use the proceeds to do something as a family
• Make a slip and slide in your back yard
• Make an entertaining phone answering-machine message
• Put a pond in your yard - with fish
• Wash the Dog

These are just some ideas I had - I'm sure there are tons more out there. Please share if you have a great idea!

The idea is to make your home a haven for your family. You want home to be the center of the family's life - but it's only going to happen if it's a place the family enjoys. Home needs to be more than just a place to eat, sleep and change clothes. It needs to be the place we can go to to escape the pressures of daily life and to renew and recharge.

And added bonus? If you have the "coolest" home on the block, the kids will want to hang out there. You'll get to know your children's friends and be able to have a godly influence on them as well. They'll enjoy being in your company because they will know that, in your home, they are valued and allowed to have good, clean fun!