Wednesday, October 22, 2008
The "One Principle"
Do you ever feel like this?
Things are going well, life is good, you are happy. All is well with the world.
And then one person isn't just in love with you. And that one person can ruin it all and you end up feeling as though NO ONE loves you.
I call it the "one principle" as in, it only takes one to spoil your day.
You could get tons of compliments on a new hairstyle, a new outfit, whatever. But if just one person has something even slightly negative, all those other kind words go right out the window. Our confidence is shaken and can deflate like a popped balloon.
Right now in my life this is going on. And it's stupid, I know it. But there is this one lady here that I really thought I would like to be friends with. I've been friendly, chatty, you know, my normal witty, fascinating self.
And she is not interested at all.
And it's killing me. It doesn't seem to matter how many other women I'm getting to know and build relationships with, this one woman's approval eludes me. Which is totally silly. It's not as if she's the be-all-end-all of the world. She's a very nice person, I'm sure. But she's just a person like me.
But why do I discount all the good and obsess over the one thing that isn't perfect?
Things are going well, life is good, you are happy. All is well with the world.
And then one person isn't just in love with you. And that one person can ruin it all and you end up feeling as though NO ONE loves you.
I call it the "one principle" as in, it only takes one to spoil your day.
You could get tons of compliments on a new hairstyle, a new outfit, whatever. But if just one person has something even slightly negative, all those other kind words go right out the window. Our confidence is shaken and can deflate like a popped balloon.
Right now in my life this is going on. And it's stupid, I know it. But there is this one lady here that I really thought I would like to be friends with. I've been friendly, chatty, you know, my normal witty, fascinating self.
And she is not interested at all.
And it's killing me. It doesn't seem to matter how many other women I'm getting to know and build relationships with, this one woman's approval eludes me. Which is totally silly. It's not as if she's the be-all-end-all of the world. She's a very nice person, I'm sure. But she's just a person like me.
But why do I discount all the good and obsess over the one thing that isn't perfect?
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6 comments:
It can be frustrating when you're trying to be nice and don't get the same in return. I say just forget about her. It she doesn't like you, it's her loss.
My former boss (who I absolutely couldn't stand and was more than a little crazy!) used to talk about this. It was his one good, sane point. :) I'm terrible, I know.
Seriously though, she must have some issues if she's acting this way. Who wouldn't want someone who is nice, funny, dependable, caring, etc... as a friend. Especially if that person is actively trying to be a friend? It doesn't make any sense, other than there's something not quite right in HER life, not yours.
i've so been there before... i understand how sad it makes you feel, despite "approval" everywhere else, and in Whom it matters most!
I've been going throught that for about 2 years now with my DD Girl Scout leader. I don't know why but I keep trying and I always get negative from her. It drives me nuts that it drives me nuts!!! Lately, I've been trying to just take a deep breath and say to myself - just let it be, it doesn't matter. So glad I'm not the only one who feels this way!
I think sometimes when you get that sort of response from someone, it could be that it is just their insecurities and has nothing at all to do with you. Maybe she just doesn't know how to be outgoing or responsive to your friendliness. Or, maybe she has something going on in her life that you don't know about that is making her unavailable to any new friends, no matter how nice they may be. I think the most important thing for you to do is try not to take it personally. Even if she is a complete bitch and hates your guts for no reason other than she feels like it, it isn't worth it to be upset by it. Don't let her ruin your day. If you want, keep being you. Keep being nice and trying but just don't take any of it personally. You know your a nice person, hopefully she will figure it out as well. If not, her loss.Also, dang it! Don't hinge your self worth on how someone else feels about you! That is not a lesson you would want to inadvertently teach to your kids.
I know it can be disappointing and I've been there myself. But I've learned that you're not going to please everyone. And often those people have issues in their own life that you may know nothing about which may have nothing to do with you.
Having said that, it occurred to me that you are so far away from home. So, maybe you're more sensitive about this now because it would be so nice to have a friend close by.
Who wouldn't want to be your friend? :)