The Simple Life at Home

Finally, I'm back with another look at the book, "Creative Counterpart," by Linda Dillow. I'm sorry it's been so long since the last entry. I guess I should have looked at my vacation schedule a little earlier!

I have to say that this week's chapter, "Inherit a Blessing," is one of my favorites in the book. It's one that can radically affect your marriage as well as every other relationship in your life.

Have you ever noticed that for some women, listing out their husband's faults is much, much easier (not to mention satisfying!) than taking note of and mentioning their strong points? Sadly we often revel in going over and over their faults, while never noticing our own. Today's post is about our responses to things which our husbands may do that hurt us.

Some women take the approach of returning insult for insult. It's a very natural response. When we are hurt, we tend to lash out. If we are offended, we want to hurt the one who caused us pain. However, God has a better way.

"Finally, all of you live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil for evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing." 1 Peter 3:8-9

God is telling us that when we are offended we need to step back, take a deep breath and make a choice. A choice to not escalate the situation. A choice to show love. A choice to follow Christ's example of love and forgiveness on the Cross.

It's not easy. We live in a world that constantly tells us to stand up for our rights, to demand what's ours, to demand respect. All of which is completely contrary to Scripture. Now, I'm not saying to be a doormat. What I'm saying is to choose to keep in mind that all of us sin and to extend the grace to others which you would want extended to you. Probably, yes, this may lead you to be taken advantage of from time to time. I can't promise you that your husband will suddenly be kind and sensitive. But I can tell you that you will be obeying God's will and living in accordance with His desires, which brings peace.

People who refuse to respond with a blessing often find themselves living lives of bitterness, refusing to forgive. They become hardened and resentful and cannot see good in their lives. This is not God's plan or desire for anyone. Choosing to respond with blessings can lift those burdens from us and free us in ways we never imagined.

Responding with a blessing involves three things: the restraint of the tongue, a decision of the will to turn from evil and do good, and an inner attitude that says, "I will seek peace and pursue it."

So how do we do it? How do we retrain ourselves to respond to hurts with blessings? Let's look at what Christ did.

1) We are to have no sin - Think about what Christ when through as He was mocked, scourged, humiliated, beaten, and finally put to death. If anyone had a right to lash out, it was He. And yet, He didn't. He responded with prayers of forgiveness. Yes, He was sinless, but it should draw us to look upon our own hearts and see where we may be wrong. Perhaps we have done something that has hurt the one offending us. Perhaps we are actually the one that needs to ask forgiveness. Take time to honestly search yourself and see if we have any fault in the matter.

2) We are to make a purposeful decision that we will return a blessing for an insult - No, it may not come naturally, but many things that are good for us don't. Exercise, eating well, going to bed at a healthy time. All of these require a decision of the will. It's the same thing. When you determine in advance what your response will be, you have time to think it out and can be prepared and have half the battle won.

When the offense actually happens, take that time to step back and breathe deeply. Remember the good things about your husband. Stay silent while you consider what to say and how to respond. Don't just spout off the first thing that comes to mind - it will often be said out of anger. Remember, that James tells us to be "swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger." Once you have made that decision that you will indeed return a blessing instead, try to find a way to bless him - pray for him, praise him, thank him for something he's done.

3) Commit yourself and your situation to the Lord - Trust the situation to the God, just as Jesus did. He did not try to prove Himself right or defend Himself. Allow God to take care of you and what you need. Give thanks - not necessarily for the situation, but for the good that God will bring out of it. Choose to withdraw from the battle so that God can fight for us.

4) Be willing to suffer in order to heal - Perhaps there are greater problems in your marriage than the small slight. By choosing to consistently respond with a blessing, you can begin to heal the larger hurts in your marriage. Showing your husband unconditional love will heal his heart towards you and may make your marriage stronger than it ever was. Yes, in the short term, it may be difficult to swallow your pride and not return with an insult, but it can offer you greater hope than the tit for tat routine many of us fall into.

My prayer for you (and for myself) is that we learn to be gracious and grace-filled with our husbands. Learning to overlook minor slights and to choose to love them and bless them regardless can have a tremendous impact on our lives and marriages, not to mention on our relationship with our God.

Today's chapter is entitled, "His Greatest Fan" and looks at the power of approval and admiration. Last week, we looked at how as wives we are called to "reverence" our husbands. This week, we learn why.

Many men in today's society have issues - plenty of 'em. They don't want to grow up, they refuse to take on responsibility or leadership. This can often be traced back to problems of self-esteem and at it's root, a sense of inferiority. Learning to give our approval and admiration to our husbands will build up their self-image and give them the confidence they need to be the man of God you have been longing for. And if your husband already has a positive self-image, your admiration and approval will be used by God to make him even better.

There are three key words that apply to building up your husband's self-image: Accept him at face value. Admire his manly qualities. (Stop the snickering, ladies!) Submit to his authority. Last week we talked about accepting him for who he is. Next week we will look at God's organizational plan for the home and how and why a wife should submit to her husband, so this week, let's look at how our admiration for our husband's can improve our marriage.

Both in public and in private, the messages we send our husband can have a profound impact on him. Mrs. Dillow opened the chapter with the story of a young boy who was raised by a domineering, busy single mother who had little time for loving on her little boy. This boy, a loner all his life, grew up into a man who married a woman who had nothing but contempt for him, due to his lack of providing well for their family. She demanded more and more of the things he could not provide and became his greatest critic. She began to bully him and, on one occasion, even locked him in the bathroom to punish him for some mistake. She kicked him out of the family home and he came back, crawling and begging to be taken back in. She humiliated him in front of friends and belittled his attempts to provide for him. She laughingly informed a friend of his sexual impotency right in front of him. She crushed his ego.

One day, this man, totally destroyed and without any hope, took a rifle and ascended the building where he worked, a book storage facility. From a window on the third floor, he took aim at and killed President John F. Kennedy.

I wonder if Lee Harvey Oswald's wife had understood these principles and had built her husband up instead of tearing him down, if history would have been changed. She received him damaged, to be sure, but in her hands, Oswald would have become a different person had he received the love and admiration God designed him to need.

Now you may be thinking, this sounds silly. You can't go around "admiring" your husband. Let's look at why you may feel that way.

1) Feeling awkward - Well, yes, it may seem strange at first, but you can admire your friend's new haircut, a delicious dish she made, or her garden.

2) He's too self-centered already - He already thinks enough of himself, if I just encourage it I may create a monster!

3) No admirable qualities - What if you just don't see anything at all in him? Well, think back to why you married him! Goethe, the German author, said that if you treat a man as he is, he will stay as he is, but if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be, and could be, he will become the bigger and better man.

4) Failure to accept him at face value - Mrs. Dillow says, "Until a wife totally accepts her husband with no condition of change, it will be very difficult for her to admire him. The negative must be removed before the positive can be planted."

So, how do we develop admiration for our husbands in light of all these barriers?

1) Realize that he is one of a kind - How well do you know your husband? Mrs. Dillow recommends trying to answer the following questions about your husband and then asking him for his answers. You may be surprised.

• What has been the happiest thing that has ever happened to your husband?
• What has been the hardest experience of his life?
• What are his secret ambitions, his goals for life?
• What are his deepest fears?
• What does he appreciate about you the most?
• What traits of you would he like to see changed?
• What man or men does he most admire?

2) Take an interest in his interests - Regardless of what it is - hunting, jogging, intellectual pursuits - make an effort to become more a part of his life and to understand what interests him. You may see new things to appreciate in him as you see him in a different light.

3) Be a good listener - As Mrs. Dillow reminds us, "Can your husband talk to you and not be ridiculed? Can he confide in you and know his confidences will be safely guarded? Do you minimize his weaknesses and emphasize his manliness and strength? Do you create a climate in which he feels safe to voice his fears because you believe in him? Do you treat your husband as the most special person in the world, or are you more polite to neighbors? You teach your children to be polite, yet how polite are you to their father?"

4) Don't interrupt - Do you finish his sentences? Perhaps you are impatient, subconciously feeling that your time is to valuable to wait for him to put his thoughts together. Maybe you feel that you know him so well you are just sure you know what he's going to say. Take the time to invest in him and listen. Another habit may be interrupting him because you want to get your point across. Do you focus on what he's saying, or on what your reply will be? This is good advice for communicating with anyone, but particularly with your husband. Be an active listener rather than just waiting for your chance to talk.

5) Don't hang on to the past - Yes, your husband may have made mistakes before. We all have. But don't throw them up in his face. Encourage him when he wants to try again. Listen, ask questions, offer encouragement and wise advice, but temper all of it with the assurance that you know he will do what is best for your family.

6) Let him dream - When he brings up something that may seem far-fetched to you, let him dream. Sometimes by our practicality, we stomp all over something that may just be a passing idea, but leave the taste of our negativity.

7) Be specific - Don't just say general things like, "I admire you" or "You are wonderful." It comes off as if you are unable to think of something specific so you are just throwing it out there. If you need a little help, keep in mind these characteristics: leadership ability, mental capacity, superior strength, sexual capacity, steadfastness, courage, logical mind, financial expertise, and athletic skill.

Ok, now is the time to put this into practice. Sit down and make up a list of all your husband's good qualities. List physical qualities, then emotional, then intellectual, then spiritual ones. If you have to dig deep, that's ok! Look back in time over the course of your marriage if you need to.

Now that you have a list to work from, don't keep it to yourself. Put into practice the art of admiring your husband. Do it not only in private to him, but boast about him to your friends and others in public. Thank him for all he does and tell him you appreciate him.

Mrs. Dillow ends the chapter with the following quote, which I think is fantastic. "I told God about his bad points and I told him about his good points." That's the way to do it!

In this week's look at Linda Dillow's book, Creative Counterpart, we take a look at our priorities. I think that this is an area where all women struggle. There are so many needs pressing in on us - the boss at work, the friend who needs a listening ear, the husband who wants to spend time with us, a home that needs cleaning, children who need tended too.

And, oh yeah, God.

It can be overwhelming, right? Where do we start? What gets our attention first?

Determining the answer to those questions in advance can make the difference between spending your life running around putting out fires and making an impact on the world around you.

Mrs. Dillow suggests that a Christian woman's priorities should fall in this order:

1) God - When our relationship with God is first and foremost in our lives, everything else will fall into place. We will have His perspective on our lives. Jesus tells us to "seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be given to you as well." When we make our goal God and His glory, He will help us to accomplish all we need in other areas.

One thing we are cautioned against is mistaking "activity" for God for a "relationship" with God. We so often DO so much, but fail to spend time getting to know God better. Make sure that you aren't just running around keeping busy and letting that mask the fact that your relationship with God is stagnant. Keep close to Him through prayer, reading the Word, quiet time, and fellowship with others.

2) Husband - A very wise friend once told me that she was intent on making her marriage a priority over her children because eventually the children would grow up and make live of their own and she and her husband would still (hopefully!) have many years left together by themselves. So often we see a woman throw herself into raising her children at the expense of her relationship with her husband. Once they've grown and left the home, there isn't much of a marriage left.

But how do we show our husbands that they are our priority? After all, he's a grown man and my kids need me! Yes, sometimes it's hard work. We can be exhausted after caring for the kids all day, but our husbands still need to know that they are important to us. How do we do that?

a) By accepting him as he is - Don't try to change him. Love him unconditionally.

b) By spending time with him - Date your husband. If finances are an issue, either put the kids to be early and snuggle up on the couch to watch a movie or see if you can swap babysitting with a friend to manage some time alone. Do the things he likes to do, not just what you want to do. Go for a ride to Home Depot. It doesn't have to be all hearts and flowers, ladies. An even more special thing would be to try to do weekend getaways every so often.

c) Small gestures - Send a note in his lunchbag. Write on his bathroom mirror in lipstick. Rub his back. And be sure to be thankful for every thing he does as well. Be creative in thinking of ways to bless your husband. It doesn't have to be anything expensive or fancy - it just has to be an expression of your love. And please, please, don't wait for him to make the first move. Countless marriages have been ruined because both partners waited for the other one to show love first. That's nothing but pride, girls.

3) Children - Now, I know that we are all busy - running kids around from lesson to lesson, trying to help with homework, making dinner to feed said children. Just a short reminder to actually spend quality time with your children. Make sure to find out what's going on in their lives, pray with them, pray for them, and remember that it is our job to disciple our children. We are the ones that God has charged with their spiritual growth - not the pastor, or the Sunday school teacher, or youth worker. They all have their parts, but the main responsibility is on us. Love your kids enough to teach them about Jesus.

4) Home - Like it or not, women set the tone of the home. If we are grouchy, others around us will follow suit. If we are kind and loving, our attitude will spread. If we determine to set an atmosphere of calm and peace in our home, we will benefit from it greatly. But how can we make our homes calm and peaceful, you ask? By being prepared.

Take time to plan out your week. Sit down and think about your commitments. Plan what you will have for dinner each night so you aren't thinking about it at 5 pm that day. Decide in advance what chores need to be done and when. And a great tip from Mrs. Dillow is to plan one thing each week to show your care for all your priorities - something that will bless your relationship with God (read some new devotional book?), something special you can do for your husband (plan a date maybe?), something for each child (spend time baking cookies with Suzie, etc.), a project you can work on to beautify your home (paint the kitchen?), etc. Then take that planning time and put it all together. Plan out when you can do all of this.

Then (drumroll please!), DO IT.

Make your plans, then do the next thing on your list. Proceed to the next thing. Proceed to the next thing. What doesn't get done one day, move to the next day's list, but keep it first in priority. Stay focused on your goal of bringing peace and order to your home. Don't be overwhelmed - remember, all you have to do right now is the next thing on your list. That's not too tough, is it?

5) Yourself - Plan into your schedule time for yourself. This is a must for me. I get a little bug-eyed if I don't have some time alone. If it's hard for you because you have little ones or juggle both work or home, you have to be creative. If you work, you have a lunch hour. I used to just go sit in my car sometimes during lunch and just read or pray or listen to music. If you have little ones, develop a schedule where they all either sleep or have quiet time in their rooms at the same time. This can save your sanity.

No one likes a cranky woman and making time for yourself to dream, rest, pray, learn - it's what keeps us sane.

6) Outside the Home - Here is where we often mess up. Things outside our home often take up more of our time than they should. Friends, social gatherings, teaching Bible study (gasp!), jobs - all good and necessary things. But they must be kept in their place. Remember that our first priority is the family which God has blessed us with. No one else can care for them like we can.

I'm not saying not to get involved in any of these wonderful things. But what I am saying is to keep your perspective clear and to make sure that they higher priorities are taken care of.

One night, after a women's meeting at church I came home to an irate husband. The children were small, maybe 3 and 1, and I had left without feeding them, without doing the dishes (so there were no clean sippy cups!) and left the house a mess. My husband was rightfully upset. Don't let our social obligations take precedence over our families.

* * * *

Since I first did this study 7 years ago, these are the priorities I have tried to live my life by and I can tell you that it works. When we learn to have the balance that living our lives according to the priorities that we set in advance, it's easier to know when to say yes and when to say no.

If you start now to plan your life and really follow that plan, I can promise that you will see an improvement in your quality of life. God will bless your efforts, even if it doesn't all go perfectly at first.

Karen has some great thoughts on this chapter as well. Be sure to visit her to get her take on all of this.

70 As a 1930s wife, I am Superior Take the test!

This was a fun little test. According the the scoring legend, I fall in the middle of the Superior category. Some of the questions made me laugh - like the one that asked if I "use dope." Did they have "dope" in the 1930's??? Dope???

Another one that made me wonder was the question that asked "Do you wear red nail polish?" Now, would that be a positive or a negative? I mean, on the one hand, it could be seen as glamorous and keeping up with yourself. We all know how much maintenance red nail polish requires. But in the 1930's did it mean you were (gasp) a floozy???

Now, the painful part to admit is that I took the Husband quiz as well, answering for Hubby. I really tried to be quite honest and fair. And that man got 81 points!!! That puts him the the Very Superior category!!

So now, in order to at least get equal to his score, I'm making some resolutions. Wanna hear them? From now on, I will:

• Wash the top of the milk bottle before opening it
• Keep the seams in my hose straight
• Make sure my slip is not showing
• Not slow up card games with chatter and gossip
• Wear a nightgown instead of pajamas (oh, the horror!!!)

No, seriously, there were some interesting points the quiz made with regards to our consideration towards our husbands. It was fun and made me think a little bit.

Bonnet tip to Misty for sharing this quiz on her blog. She got a 91.

I must sit at her feet and learn of her ways.

Today's Heart of the Matter topic is what makes Hubby a good husband and father. Easy!!

First, let me introduce you. Since I am forbidden from posting a picture of him online (let's just say he has privacy issues), I am posting a picture of someone else whom Hubby has described as not as good looking as himself.

Yes, ladies, that's right. The year Hubby turned 40, George Clooney also turned 40. Hubby came home after making a grocery run for me one night (during which he caught sight of this magazine cover) and said to me, "Do I look as bad as George Clooney?"

(Insert pause here for time for me to think.) "No, honey. You are MUCH better looking than George Clooney."

So, you ladies will just have to use your imagination and know that my husband is oh-so-much better looking than George Clooney.

But besides his devastatingly handsome face, he has qualities which are much, much more important. Let me tell you about him.

Hubby is such a hard worker. He works hard day in and day out to provide for us. And, as is true with many homeschooling families, that's even harder when you've made the choice for one parent to stay home in order to homeschool. Let's face it - this is not a one-income world anymore. While we were still in the States, he often didn't return home until 8 pm. Now that we've moved to Qatar, he's home earlier, but only because he's at his desk hard at work at 6:30 a.m.

Even when he's home, he is working hard. This is a man who barely knows the meaning of the word rest. He often steps in and helps out with the dishes or the mopping when he sees that I'm behind.

He chooses family above all else. There are men out there who opt to spend their free time on the golf course or hanging out with friends. Hubby always chooses to be home with the kids and I. Now, I'm not saying that he shouldn't have time to enjoy himself - actually, I wish he would take a little time off now and then. But his primary desire is to be with us. That feels really nice.

He leads our family spiritually. By reading the Bible to us and discussing it with us, by encouraging us to always choose what would please God, by leading us in prayer. I know that he is constantly thinking of how to make our family more like Christ.

He is loyal. I know that I can trust that he will never say anything about me, nor do anything to me, that would intentionally hurt me. I never have to worry about what he's saying about me behind my back, even as a joke.

He wants the best for us. This sums it all up. He takes care of us and wants us to be our best.

Thank you, Hubby! You are the best and we love you. Happy Father's Day!

I know that for some of you this has been hard. Heck, it's been hard on me. It seems that as soon as you start to talk about something, that's what God suddenly tests you on, ya know? Every little thought and word I've spoken to Hubby over this time I've had to stop and think and ask myself if I'm living up to what I'm sharing here.

Often, I'm not.

Like I've said, this is a process. Much of what God does in our lives is a process. We don't always change overnight, but rather gradually as we come to know Him and to understand Him.

Anyways, let's look at today's words:

1) Trust - I cannot stress this enough. This is probably the most important word in the entire series. Without trust, you can never get to the point where you truly honor and respect your husband.

But who is your trust in? If it's in your husband, that's great, but it's not enough. He's human, just like you. He will, at some point, let you down. He will fail. He will make mistakes. Mistakes that may hurt you or, gulp, your kids.

However, if your trust is in God, the creator of the universe, you will be alright. Even when your spouse makes a mistake - something that you saw coming - God will honor you for your obedience to His command to respect your husband.

Now, I'm not saying that we jump in the car and let our husbands drive off a cliff with the kids in the backseat. Obviously, as his wife, you are called upon to give your husband godly counsel and, if you feel he is making a mistake, to appeal to him and explain your reasoning. But it must be done gently and with love.

Trusting God is really the only way you can do this whole respect thing. Because if you understand that He is ultimately sovereign over every detail of your life, that NOTHING can happen to you unless He allows it and has a plan and a purpose for it, then you know that no decision your husband makes can interfere with God's plan.

Go back and read that sentence again. And maybe a third time. Then read what Scripture says.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

So, you see, it's really all up to God in the end. Even if your husband makes mistakes, God can use them to train you and teach you. And you will have a stronger marriage for what you have gone through and because you chose to honor your husband and encourage him rather than tear him down and criticize him.

2) Transform - Do you ever watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition? It's a favorite in this house. And we are always amazed as the reveal of the new home takes place. Gone is the shabby, run down, too-small place the family once called home. In its place stands a thing of beauty that, in all honesty, the family never thought they would be able to live in.

But getting there? Well, it's not easy. First the family had to admit that their home isn't all it could be. It's still their home, though right? The place holds memories. They had to ask for help and allow the show to come in. Then a crew comes in and has to completely destroy all that was there in order to make room for the new home. A lot of work goes into it.

It's like that with us. We have to step back and see if we are all that we could be? Are we living up to what the Bible has called us to be? If not, ask God to help you be that woman. Ask Him to flood into your life in such a way that He changes you from the inside out.

We have to allow God to come into our spirits and tear down all the old stuff that is not honoring to Him. We have to be willing to surrender what He wants us to surrender. Sometimes that is painful, but the end result will be a thing of beauty.

If we can allow God to change us, we can honor Him in a way that we never could if we resist and stick to what we've always known.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:2

Allowing God to renew your mind leads to doing His will. Following the ways of the world and refusing to change blocks what God wants to do in your life.

Be willing to open yourself up to God and all that He has to give you. Respecting your husband and honoring him can seem like such an old-fashioned, out-dated concept. But it's God's plan for married women. And God's plans never go out of style.

We are more than half-way through our series on respecting our husbands. Hang in there - we'll be through before you know it!

Today we will return to the letter "e." There are two more words that begin with e that I'd like to look at for the purposes of respecting our men.

1) Eliminate - You know what it is. I don't, but you do. You know that there is something that you do that bugs the heck out of him. Maybe it's a look you give him or a skirt you wear that he hates. Maybe it's a tone of voice you use or a television show you watch.

Remembering that our husbands are the ones we are married to, they are the ones that we are supposed to be pleasing. If we are looking to please anyone else, we are making a mistake. Maybe we want to wear something fashionable, but which our husband doesn't like. Or we want to wear our hair in the latest style, but he prefers your hair long. Maybe you want to show how smart you are in front of your friends by correcting him in public.

HE is the one whose pleasure we should be seeking. Friends and fashions will come and go, but you and your husband are supposed to be together for the rest of your lives. Do you really want to build resentment in him because you wanted to please others?

2) Enrich - There are two facets to this - enriching both yourself and your husband's life. They are somewhat intertwined, but you have to work on them separately.

First, yourself. You need to keep growing and learning. You need to have something interesting to talk to your husband about. We've all sat there with our husbands and had nothing to say. While at times that can be comforting, it's often uncomfortable. Keep your life fresh by challenging yourself to grow. Come up with a 101 in 1001 list. Take a course in something you are interested in. Read something that you can share with your husband, along the lines of an interest of his. Be willing to try new things.

Second, enrich your husband's life. Well, really, your family's life. Keep the home beautiful for them. Make it a place of rest and haven for them. Do what you can to make your husband's life better. Help him out. If he can never find his keys, designate a special place for them and when you see them laying around, put them in the right place. If he wants to spend a reasonable amount of time hanging out with his friends, encourage it. If he wants something, and you can afford it, don't give him a hard time about it.

Enrich your lives together and bring joy to your whole family.

Here are our words for today:

1) Examine - I believe that the first step on this road is to truly examine our own hearts. Sometimes we don't even realize when we are doing something wrong, because it's become so normal to us. While I would encourage you to look at the Self-Assessment we did on Monday, this will require a deeper look into your heart and attitudes.

I know this from personal experience. I know that whenever my husband disciplines the kids, I feel that I would do it better, that he shouldn't have done or said this or that. I know that when we are not finding our way, I feel that if he would just listen to me we would be there sooner. I know that when he asks me to do something that I don't have the time (or more likely the inclination) to do, I feel that he just doesn't understand how busy I am.

All of these attitudes stem from a place of disrespect. They stem from not trusting him and assuming that I know better. Now, granted, maybe sometimes I do indeed know better. I'm not saying that men are inherently smarter than women. But I am saying that we need to learn to trust them and and allow them freedom to work, freedom to make mistakes without condemnation, freedom to be who they are.

Perhaps you disagree with your husband on child discipline. Do you remember that he is just as much a parent as you are? Even though you may stay home with that child all day, husbands often see things in our children that we overlook.

We need to examine our hearts to see if there are areas where we feel superior to our husbands or where we might, unknowingly belittle them.

2) Encourage - Once we have done this self-examination, we can move forward and begin to build up our husbands. Everyone can use more encouragement!

Sometimes our husbands are like flowers (don't tell them I said that!). Have you ever seen flowers that are wilting, but then with just a little water, come back to their full beauty? That is what encouragement can do for a person - particularly from spouse to spouse.

Encourage them in the things they do around the house. Encourage them for being good providers. Encourage them for being a good dad. Encourage them for every positive thing they do. It will inspire them to want to do more to please you.

Positive reinforcement is a much more powerful motivator than criticism. Rather than nagging at them for what they have failed to do, be it painting the bedroom or holding a job, find something good that you can praise and encourage them for and focus on that. You will probably find that he will begin to flourish under your attention.

The definition of encouragement is "the expression of approval or support." Even if you don't feel that approval or support, begin to treat him like you do. Feelings follow actions. If you begin to show him your approval of him, he will do what it takes to keep that approval.

Just a word of warning here - if you have been overly critical of your husband for some time, it may take him longer to come around and to believe your words of encouragement. There may be damage that you need to repair. Hang in there and commit to continue blessing him with the gift of encouragement. Eventually he will see that you are being genuine and come to trust your words.

Ok, now, just a warning - tomorrow I have LOTS of things to talk about, so bring your coffee or tea or whatever you want and be prepared to settle in for a good long talk!