The Simple Life at Home

We live in a world where we are constantly being bombarded by media and messages that are often not consistent with how a woman of God should live. The radio, the television, movies, even the grocery store check-out lane shouts at us to be thinner! sexier! prettier! a perfect mom! a perfect wife! a perfect woman!

Yesterday I was trying to think back to how things got so far off track.  How did we go from being a happy, Christian, loving family to this creation I don't even recognize?  The constant arguing, the sniping at each other, the antagonism - I look around and am heartbroken.

 Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a German Lutheran who opposed the Nazis, wrote the following in his book "The Cost of Discipleship":

"Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline. Communion without confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ...  Let him be comforted and rest assured in his possession of this grace -- for grace alone does everything. Instead of following Christ, let the Christian enjoy the consolations of his grace! That is what we mean by cheap grace, the grace which amounts to the justification of sin without the justification of the repentant sinner who departs from sin and from whom sin departs. Cheap grace is not the kind of forgiveness of sin which frees us from the toils of sin. Cheap grace is the grace we bestow on ourselves."

This will be my last comment on the issue of Dr. Tiller's murder.  I certainly don't feel that churches should not be warm and welcoming places.  We need to love each other and pick each other up when we fall, not kick each other.

However, that doesn't mean we can choose to ignore sin.  It's not about judging other people.  That's God's role.  But we, as the body, are called to confront sin when it is in our midst.  In I Corinthians 5, Paul very clearly tells us that it is our obligation. 

It is actually reported that sexual immorality exists among you, the kind of immorality that is not permitted even among the Gentiles, so that someone is cohabiting with his father’s wife.  And you are proud! Shouldn’t you have been deeply sorrowful instead and removed the one who did this from among you?  For even though I am absent physically, I am present in spirit. And I have already judged the one who did this, just as though I were present.  When you gather together in the name of our Lord Jesus, and I am with you in spirit, along with the power of our Lord Jesus,  turn this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord.  Your boasting is not good. Don’t you know that a little yeast affects the whole batch of dough?  Clean out the old yeast so that you may be a new batch of dough – you are, in fact, without yeast. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. So then, let us celebrate the festival, not with the old yeast, the yeast of vice and evil, but with the bread without yeast, the bread of sincerity and truth.  I wrote you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people.  In no way did I mean the immoral people of this world, or the greedy and swindlers and idolaters, since you would then have to go out of the world.  But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who calls himself a Christian who is sexually immoral, or greedy, or an idolater, or verbally abusive, or a drunkard, or a swindler. Do not even eat with such a person.  For what do I have to do with judging those outside? Are you not to judge those inside?  But God will judge those outside. Remove the evil person from among you.

Look, I want to be kind and loving and forgiving just like anyone.  I would hate the thought of having to confront someone with their sin or of having to go further and having to remove them from fellowship.  But Paul doesn't really leave us that option.  And if we as Christians say that we accept the Bible as the inerrant word of God, then it's not something we can opt out of.  As much as we hate it, as much as we know that we too are sinful, it's in the Bible.

I know that I am sinful.  But I think that there is a difference between me stumbling and falling and repenting and between those who knowingly, willfully, continue in sin unrepentantly.  And I think a church that ignores that fact does so at their own peril.  Perhaps had they instituted church discipline and called him to repentance, Dr. Tiller would still be alive.

This morning a teacher sent out an email to the staff and faculty of the school promoting a "Staff Art Show."  I read it and snorted, thinking to myself, "Art is definitely something not in my genes.  I don't have any creative talents."

Lately, I have found myself with a new best friend. Except it's not really a good friend. There are no encouraging words being communicated. No loving embraces. No friendly phone calls.

I just did a post yesterday outlining all the happy things that happened to me on Tuesday. I have to say, life is at a good place right now. It feels great to be able to say that.

One year ago next week, my children and I left everything and everyone we knew and loved and set out to join Hubby in our new life here in Doha, Qatar. It's been a year of tumultuous change. We have had to adjust to a new culture, a new climate, and a new home. We've gone from Hubby working long hours 5 days a week to working somewhat shorter hours 6 days a week. I've had to learn the currency and I'm still confused as to how much money I spend each week on groceries! My much-loved 8 week menu plan has been tossed out the window, as it's virtually impossible here to predict what items will be in the stores on any given day.

I've gone from a committed homeschooling stay-at-home mom, to being a mom with two kids enrolled in school who is actively seeking to rejoin the workforce. After 14 years of being at home, that's no small matter. I'm nervous and excited and scared all rolled up into a bundle of jangled nerves.

I've lost access to Target (:::sob:::), the library, rational grocery stores, decent customer service, and honestly, some of my sanity.

We've had to give up our friendships and then try to build new ones here in a land where most people come and go within 4-5 years at most. Many of the friends we've made within the last year have already moved during the course of our year here or will be leaving this summer.

And yet, now one year later, we have survived. I don't know that I would say we have thrived, but we haven't withered on the vine either. And for that, I give all the glory to God. He has helped me learn to be content in whatever circumstance I find myself. He has been teaching me patience, a trait which I am sadly lacking in and have been praying for as long as I can remember. He has comforted me when I was desolate. He has been the one I rejoice with when I'm happy.

He is my rock. I love him and am so grateful for the fact that he led me here to this wilderness to use it as a time of teaching and growth in my life. Everything that he removed from my life has been restored in some form or fashion. Well, except Target. But I can live with that!

So today I am grateful for a God who will do whatever he needs to do to make me more like him.

For more Thankful Thursday posts, be sure to visit Lynn at Spiritually Unequal Marriage.

My last post was a week ago. There I was, once again whining about balance and struggling to make my life work. I felt very defeated, very much like an unorganized failure. I know that there are women out there who manage to do it all, effortlessly it seems. I couldn't imagine ever being like that. I was convinced that I had to handle all the different facets of my life and make them work.

Thank God for Beth Moore.

As I mentioned before, I'm working through her new study on the book of Esther. It's been such a blessing to me, but last week she made a point that I found so freeing. She was discussing how Esther had already had the king, her husband Xerxes, as well as her enemy, Haman, over to one banquet and had invited them for another one the next day. We don't know the reason why she didn't reveal the dire circumstances she faced as a result of Haman's order to slaughter the Jews. Perhaps it was all part of the plan. Perhaps at the last minute she chickened out and blurted out an invitation for the following day to buy time to figure out what to do.

Regardless, picture Esther laying in bed that night, fretting about the next day, knowing that not only her own life, but the fate of her people were squarely on her royal shoulders. It had to be overwhelming. (Now, I'm not saying that the fate of a nation weighs on my shoulder, but I did feel overwhelmed.)

As she lay in bed, her husband was wide awake. The Scriptures say, "The Lord took away sleep from him." To soothe himself, he asked that the chronicles of his reign be read to him. Now, he'd been king for quite some time - perhaps as many as 10 years. And yet the portion of the chronicles that was read to him that night included something that would turn the situation on end. Xerxes learned that Mordechai, the prime target of Haman's rage and whom Haman planned to execute in the morning, had at one point saved his life by revealing a plot against the king. Even more, Mordechai had never been rewared for his good deed. Long story short, Mordechai ended up being honored and Haman ended up being on the wrong end of the king's wrath.

Esther did have her second banquet, during which time she revealed the truth of her heritage as well as the plot against her people. Her willingness to do whatever she could was rewarded.

In the same way, I just have to be faithful to do what I can do. As Beth put it, "it's tough being a woman who feels responsible for the how." The end result of any circumstance is not really up to us. It's up to God. All we can do is to be faithful in the details of what He has called us to do and let Him work. Oftentimes, it may be something as mundane as causing a sleepless night.

It was so freeing to me to read that I am not responsible for how things turn out. I do my best and let God work. I spend so much time worrying and stressing and trying to make everything perfect. Beth gave me some of the best advice I've ever heard: Fire yourself.

And so, to borrow a phrase from Donald Trump, I'm fired.

Fired and free. Free from the stress and anxiety. Free from the need to be the perfect mom and wife and woman.

All I have to do is my part. Thankfully, God promises that He will not give us more than we can bear. If I am faithful, He will use me to accomplish His will and He will be glorified.

That's a good thing.

Balance is something I've always struggled with. Lately it seems that struggle has been rearing its ugly head more and more.

Now that my children are in school, I really want to be involved. PTA, Parent Advisory Forum, Booster Club - the opportunities abound. I feel so disconnected from my kids and I want to be part of what they do all day. Not just for my own selfish reasons, but to make sure that they are getting the best. The best education, the best opportunities, the best life.

I'm also struggling with trying to keep up with the house. I thought once my kids were in school, I would have all this time to clean house. I pictured myself like June Cleaver, in dress, heels and pearls, baking fresh cookies and welcoming my kids home to a sparkling clean house with dinner in the oven. Somehow that hasn't happened.

I find myself getting more and more involved in church, which is a good thing. Besides teaching Sunday school on a monthly basis, I'm also a weekly volunteer in the youth group, facilitate a women's Bible study each week (which necessitates another weekly meeting to prep), and am co-leader of Bible Studies for the Women's Ministry Leadership Team. While I love all of it, I'm wondering if (and my husband is certain that) I've gotten too involved, too fast.

And then there is the issue of caring for myself. I keep saying that I'm going to do it, but I always put myself on the back burner. I'm exercising, but not as much as I would like too. And I am still putting off that visit to the doctor. I just want to make everything great for my family and feel selfish taking that time for myself when I know that the house is a mess, nothing's planned for dinner, laundry is piling up, and kids need help with their homework.

To add to all that, I know that I need to get a job to help pay for the kids' schooling. Even though I just need something part time, the thought of adding one more thing to my life terrifies me.

So here I am, like the sideshow of a circus trying to keep all my plates spinning, knowing that at any minute one is going to go careening off its pole and to the ground. As I type this, it's obvious to me what my problem is. I'm not giving any of this to God. In my own strength, I am so weak, unable to keep those plates spinning for more than a short time.

If I could just come to God every day, offering up my time and my energy and submitting to His will and plan for my day, I would have peace and balance. I would know my priorities - and they'd be the right ones, because they would be His priorities. We are promised in Scripture that we can do all things in Christ. We are told that He gives us strength and helps us to not grow weary. Well, let me tell you, I am weary.

Weary from struggling to be perfect. Weary from kicking myself for my faults and failures. Weary from trying to be all things to all people. Even though I've been getting more sleep lately than I have in years, I'm more tired than I've ever been.

So from now on I want to drop all the plates. I want to ask Him to give me only what He wants me to carry. Some of the things I mentioned above I've already decided that I will have to let go of. Others I may or may not. But it's not really the amount of things I'm doing that's the issue.

It's Who I'm doing them with.

I am a big, fat liar.


I know that I said I would do the No Regrets posts every day.


I know I promised a few days ago that I would post the next segment that day.


Didn't happen.


What can I say? Life intervened and between a sick child, being swamped with homework for the first time ever, a migraine, and various activities in-between I just haven't been able to get to the post.


So let's look at it now. As I mentioned, this day was about taking care of yourself. The title of the chapter was "Oxygen Mask" in reference to the airplane announcement to put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping other people.


Question: How would you rate your health in each of these four areas - spiritual, physical, emotional and relational - from one (terrible) to ten (fantastic)? What's the greatest challenge to improving your health in these areas? What can you work on to work through this challenge?


Spiritual - Rating: 4

I have to admit that I am seriously lacking in my daily walk with God. Well, in the disciplines of that walk anyways. While I feel I do pretty well at keeping a constant conversation with God throughout my day, I still feel that I am not drinking at the well of the Word enough. Nor do I have really deep, long times of prayer. I am empty most of the time, spiritually speaking. I'm not getting the nourishment I need. It's like living on a diet of candy bars and soda. This results in my not having an even-keel and losing my temper and getting easily frustrated. During this challenge time, I would like to spend more time in the Word. I think that would be a major factor. Also, I need to practice being still and being in God's presence.


Physical - Rating: 4

Not doing too well in this area either. I've fallen into the trap that many mothers do, paying so much attention to everyone else at the expense of taking care of myself. As my lack of attention to my own needs has decreased, my weight has increased, my lack of energy has has increased, my self-esteem has plummeted and my general well-being has suffered. I've not been eating right (either in what I'm eating or how much I'm eating). I've been exercising, but only minimally. I don't get enough sleep. During this challenge, I want to up my exercise level (both in time and intensity), start eating better and drinking more water, and get to sleep by 11:00, instead of 1 or so. I also plan to make an appointment for a general check-up.


Emotional - Rating: 6

Well, I am very in touch with my emotions, that's for sure. However, I tend to be over-emotional, wearing my heart on my sleeve. I have gotten better at flying off the handle over the years (although having a teenager in the house is putting that to the test!!), but still occasionally do. However, I think the test of having moved to a very different culture in a foreign land has helped me to see that I'm stronger than I gave myself credit for previously. During this challenge, I would like to practice walking away and taking a breath when I feel myself at the verge of an outburst.

Relational - 8

This is an area where I would say I do better than others. While it has been difficult to leave my very well-established social circle back in Miami, I think I'm well on my way to building up a new network here in Doha. I've begun to connect more and more with women here. With regards to my marriage, I think that Hubby and I are in a pretty good place right now. There are some issues, as always, but in general we seem to be connecting pretty well and on the same page most of the time. During this challenge I want to step out in faith and invite another couple over for dinner to continue to build friendships and go on two dates with Hubby.

So there you have it. I'm blessed that my husband is encouraging me to put myself on the front burner for a while and take care of myself. I have a lot of work to do, but I don't want to give up in my efforts to improve in every area of my life.

Question: What are the current barriers to spiritual health in your life? In other words, what keeps you from connecting to God as your primary source of spiritual life?

Gosh, this is a hard one to answer. I guess I have periods where I am feeling like a spiritual giant and very, very close to God and then I have periods where I feel so very far away from Him. Of course, I know that He is still there, right there with me, but I have tuned Him out. I think the biggest barrier to my spiritual health is related to yesterday's question. I just keep my mind too busy, too amused, to spend time with Him.

I'm the kind of person who hates quiet. I turn on the radio as soon as I get in the car. I turn on the tv, even if I have no intention of watching it, just for the noise. And yet I know that we are called to be still. How else can I know my God if I don't spend time with Him? How can I have a conversation with Him if there is always something else taking up my attention? I keep my mind so busy with noise that there is no opportunity for His still, small voice to get my attention.

I'm working on it. I really want to live my life intentionally - working towards prioritizing those things which are really important to me (my walk with God, my family, my health), instead of allowing those things which are merely easy to be my focus. I think that by consistently reminding myself of what is really important, I can manage to tune out that which is merely there and available. Sometimes it's hard to dig through all the nonsense our world fills us up with, but it's necessary to get down to the treasures which lie hidden.

The past week has been very hard. We have been hit with one thing after another, in every different arena you could imagine. Physical ailments, emotional struggles, scary events - we've had 'em all.

I've been in a foul mood most of the time. I've allowed my emotions to take over. I'm ashamed of who I've been this week. I've screamed at my children until my throat was raw. I've cried over the silliest of things. I've moped away hours on end. I've done everything except turn to God.

Of course.

This is my pattern. Only after falling just about as far as I can go do I think of turning to God. I struggle and fight and bemoan my circumstances. I cry and worry. I get angry and bitter.

And, as is often the case, it is music that brings me back. Music has a way of speaking to my soul and reminding me that in God there is hope and redemption. As I drove home last night I had an old, old cassette tape playing. One of my favorite bands of all time, Lone Justice. It's one of those bands that isn't really a Christian band, but their lyrics are infused with Christian imagery. I believe that the lead singer and songwriter is a Christian. Unfortunately, they only released two albums before breaking up.

I was particularly struck by one of the lyrics in a song called Beacon. I wasn't able to find the complete lyrics online, but the line that struck me was this:

This song is so convicting. Too many times we walk right by people that the Lord has put in our way. I pray this song will help us to think about what we can do to help those who we come across rather than just pretending not to see them. If you have never heard of Monk and Neagle, run, don't walk, and get this cd. It's amazing.

As I was doing a little shopping the other day (which I am doing WAAAAY too much of here in the States!!!), I ran across the calendar display. As usual at this time of year, they are out there in abundance. The one that caught my eye was called the "Mom Organizer" or some such title. It was full of little stickers like "dance class," "soccer practice," "test," etc. All kinds of cute things to keep track of everything you and your kids might be involved in.

And then I realized I didn't need any of them.

In my quest to simplify our lives, and in part due to our move to Doha, we haven't gotten involved in any extra-curricular type activities. We've been very, VERY low-key since moving. To the point of almost being bored to tears. But that's another story.

My initial reaction after realizing I had no need for this calendar was a sense of worthlessness. As if my self-worth is wrapped up in how many projects and activities demand my time. This is actually not the first time I've thought about it.

From time to time, I've gone through periods where I've stepped back from one activity or another and realized I had a sense of loss. Loss of identity, in a way. If I wasn't (insert activity name here), who was I? Why would anyone want to be my friend? Was I doing enough to please God?

Obviously, it's an issue I haven't yet conquered, given my reaction to the calendar. But there are signs of it in my life as well. I've begun working with the youth group at our church in Doha. I'm also teaching Sunday school on a monthly basis. I'll be joining the women's ministry leadership team in the new year. I'm considering leading a Bible study for young girls in our home. And I'm planning on enrolling both kids in at least one extracurricular activity each upon our return to Doha.

And since all this is in the works, I've been feeling better about life. I've tried to take time to pray about each decision and talk with my husband about them. I'm trying to make sure that I don't just add activity to fill my sense of loneliness and boredom.

I do want to strive to maintain a simple life, but does that mean staying at home all the time? There's more to it than that. It's about finding a balance between activity for the sake of busy-ness and meaningful work for the sake of being a blessing to my family, my church and God.

How do you find that balance?

Ok, so I'm not really a Rolling Stones fan. I'm more of a Beatles girl. Early Beatles, before they got influenced by whatever influenced them to write Sargent Pepper's. Which, by the way, I like. But, c'mon...it's out there.

But I digress...

Have you ever had that feeling that if you just had that one more thing, be it something tangible or intangible, that then you would finally be satisfied?

I've had that a lot lately. Since the move, I've been so focused on what I've had to give up from our life back home. Stupid things really, like curtains I like (which I didn't have to start with - I had all blinds!!!), a dryer, cute dishtowels, etc.

I have to keep reminding myself that all those things are unimportant. I have a loving husband, two wonderful kids, a beautiful home, a great church. But even more importantly, I have a God who loves me much more than I could ever imagine.

To be completely honest, I had a picture in my head that when we moved here we would be rolling in the dough. I thought I'd be able to buy whatever I wanted without even thinking about it. After all, Hubby would be making three times the amount of money that he did in the US.

However, the housing market hit us pretty hard. We had planned on paying off all our debt with the selling of our rental properties. You can imagine how that went. Nothing sold, and that debt is still there. We are working on paying it off, and, yes, I've ordered that Dave Ramsay book to pick up while I'm back home. But in the meanwhile, it's cutting into my spending.

Now back home, we just would have continued to live on credit cards, still feeding my every whim. But Hubby and I are committed to not going deeper into debt. We are struggling to live within our means and that means learning to not just run to Target (ah, Target...sigh!), every time I'm bored and spend "just a little bit." It means opting to shop for a bargain.

It means learning to be content.

And that's the bottom line.

I'm working on it, but it will take time and plenty of training this ol' brain to adapt. Yes, I may want to have fall-themed dish towels, but no, they aren't going to bring me long-lasting joy.

So, yes, I may not have every little thing I want. But what I lose in those little, daily, dying-to-self moments, I will gain in having a better perspective on what really matters.

So my total fast is over. I didn't post about it earlier because I wanted to take time to do it justice.

Three days. That is by far the longest I have ever gone without food. And you know what? I'm fine. Yesterday was a little rough. I felt a little weak and exceedingly tired. During Bible study, I couldn't really focus very well. If you were there and I said something completely incoherent, please forgive me! LOL!!


But to be honest, I was completely amazed at how God sustained me throughout the three days. I honestly didn't struggle with any physical hunger pains until late on the second day. The toughest thing was the emotional pull of food.


That in and of itself showed me how much of my food issues are psychological, not physical. There was one particular moment when I was stressed out about something here at home. I was upset and angry and my first instinct was to go to the kitchen and find something to eat. It was like that would honestly make me feel better.


The thing that kept me from giving in was constant repetition of the following phrase:




And I do. I want God to be the most important thing in my life. Without holding anything back, without keeping Him out of any part of my life. I'm ready to give Him everything.

You know, when I moved to Doha I thought that was the biggest leap of faith ever. Trusting God to lead me to a strange country, leaving behind friends, family and everything familiar. Now I see that this whole food issue is even harder for me. It's a habit ingrained on my brain to turn to food when I'm bored, lonely or stressed. I'm praying that through this fast, and through my "daylight hours" fast for the next five days, that I learn to turn to God first rather than the pantry.

Because God deserves all of me. He gave His all for me. All that I have is His.

And that's the way it should be.

In this week's look at Linda Dillow's book, Creative Counterpart, we take a look at our priorities. I think that this is an area where all women struggle. There are so many needs pressing in on us - the boss at work, the friend who needs a listening ear, the husband who wants to spend time with us, a home that needs cleaning, children who need tended too.

And, oh yeah, God.

It can be overwhelming, right? Where do we start? What gets our attention first?

Determining the answer to those questions in advance can make the difference between spending your life running around putting out fires and making an impact on the world around you.

Mrs. Dillow suggests that a Christian woman's priorities should fall in this order:

1) God - When our relationship with God is first and foremost in our lives, everything else will fall into place. We will have His perspective on our lives. Jesus tells us to "seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be given to you as well." When we make our goal God and His glory, He will help us to accomplish all we need in other areas.

One thing we are cautioned against is mistaking "activity" for God for a "relationship" with God. We so often DO so much, but fail to spend time getting to know God better. Make sure that you aren't just running around keeping busy and letting that mask the fact that your relationship with God is stagnant. Keep close to Him through prayer, reading the Word, quiet time, and fellowship with others.

2) Husband - A very wise friend once told me that she was intent on making her marriage a priority over her children because eventually the children would grow up and make live of their own and she and her husband would still (hopefully!) have many years left together by themselves. So often we see a woman throw herself into raising her children at the expense of her relationship with her husband. Once they've grown and left the home, there isn't much of a marriage left.

But how do we show our husbands that they are our priority? After all, he's a grown man and my kids need me! Yes, sometimes it's hard work. We can be exhausted after caring for the kids all day, but our husbands still need to know that they are important to us. How do we do that?

a) By accepting him as he is - Don't try to change him. Love him unconditionally.

b) By spending time with him - Date your husband. If finances are an issue, either put the kids to be early and snuggle up on the couch to watch a movie or see if you can swap babysitting with a friend to manage some time alone. Do the things he likes to do, not just what you want to do. Go for a ride to Home Depot. It doesn't have to be all hearts and flowers, ladies. An even more special thing would be to try to do weekend getaways every so often.

c) Small gestures - Send a note in his lunchbag. Write on his bathroom mirror in lipstick. Rub his back. And be sure to be thankful for every thing he does as well. Be creative in thinking of ways to bless your husband. It doesn't have to be anything expensive or fancy - it just has to be an expression of your love. And please, please, don't wait for him to make the first move. Countless marriages have been ruined because both partners waited for the other one to show love first. That's nothing but pride, girls.

3) Children - Now, I know that we are all busy - running kids around from lesson to lesson, trying to help with homework, making dinner to feed said children. Just a short reminder to actually spend quality time with your children. Make sure to find out what's going on in their lives, pray with them, pray for them, and remember that it is our job to disciple our children. We are the ones that God has charged with their spiritual growth - not the pastor, or the Sunday school teacher, or youth worker. They all have their parts, but the main responsibility is on us. Love your kids enough to teach them about Jesus.

4) Home - Like it or not, women set the tone of the home. If we are grouchy, others around us will follow suit. If we are kind and loving, our attitude will spread. If we determine to set an atmosphere of calm and peace in our home, we will benefit from it greatly. But how can we make our homes calm and peaceful, you ask? By being prepared.

Take time to plan out your week. Sit down and think about your commitments. Plan what you will have for dinner each night so you aren't thinking about it at 5 pm that day. Decide in advance what chores need to be done and when. And a great tip from Mrs. Dillow is to plan one thing each week to show your care for all your priorities - something that will bless your relationship with God (read some new devotional book?), something special you can do for your husband (plan a date maybe?), something for each child (spend time baking cookies with Suzie, etc.), a project you can work on to beautify your home (paint the kitchen?), etc. Then take that planning time and put it all together. Plan out when you can do all of this.

Then (drumroll please!), DO IT.

Make your plans, then do the next thing on your list. Proceed to the next thing. Proceed to the next thing. What doesn't get done one day, move to the next day's list, but keep it first in priority. Stay focused on your goal of bringing peace and order to your home. Don't be overwhelmed - remember, all you have to do right now is the next thing on your list. That's not too tough, is it?

5) Yourself - Plan into your schedule time for yourself. This is a must for me. I get a little bug-eyed if I don't have some time alone. If it's hard for you because you have little ones or juggle both work or home, you have to be creative. If you work, you have a lunch hour. I used to just go sit in my car sometimes during lunch and just read or pray or listen to music. If you have little ones, develop a schedule where they all either sleep or have quiet time in their rooms at the same time. This can save your sanity.

No one likes a cranky woman and making time for yourself to dream, rest, pray, learn - it's what keeps us sane.

6) Outside the Home - Here is where we often mess up. Things outside our home often take up more of our time than they should. Friends, social gatherings, teaching Bible study (gasp!), jobs - all good and necessary things. But they must be kept in their place. Remember that our first priority is the family which God has blessed us with. No one else can care for them like we can.

I'm not saying not to get involved in any of these wonderful things. But what I am saying is to keep your perspective clear and to make sure that they higher priorities are taken care of.

One night, after a women's meeting at church I came home to an irate husband. The children were small, maybe 3 and 1, and I had left without feeding them, without doing the dishes (so there were no clean sippy cups!) and left the house a mess. My husband was rightfully upset. Don't let our social obligations take precedence over our families.

* * * *

Since I first did this study 7 years ago, these are the priorities I have tried to live my life by and I can tell you that it works. When we learn to have the balance that living our lives according to the priorities that we set in advance, it's easier to know when to say yes and when to say no.

If you start now to plan your life and really follow that plan, I can promise that you will see an improvement in your quality of life. God will bless your efforts, even if it doesn't all go perfectly at first.

Karen has some great thoughts on this chapter as well. Be sure to visit her to get her take on all of this.

A few days ago, I posted about how God has been drawing me to himself. Through a study I've been doing on quiet time, God has really been changing my heart, causing me to desire to know Him more and more.

And now it seems I'm being challenged to be more and more obedient to Him as well. It all started a couple of weeks ago. In the course of doing the Creative Counterpart study I'm going through here on the blog, I made a commitment to cheerfully do what my husband asks of me. Little did I know what I was getting myself into. Last week, while out on a date, my husband asked me to consider fasting during the day, in the same way that Muslims here are doing during the month of Ramadan. He had seen an increase in health and a serious weight loss in some of his co-workers in just the first two weeks of Ramadan.

Now, when I made this commitment, I was thinking more along the lines of doing some ironing, taking out the garbage, etc. Fasting was not something that had ever entered my mind. And yet, mindful of the commitment (which I had prayed over and asked God to guide me in), I told him that I would consider it. This alone was huge for me.

And now, I find myself reading an amazing book. I Dared to Call Him Father is the story of a Muslim Pakistani woman who came to Christ, through a series of miraculous interventions from God. Following her conversion, she became completely and totally devoted to following God's leading in every step of her life, time and time choosing obedience over everything - even at risk of her own life. I have been so inspired that I have decided to follow my husband's request (which I totally trust that God knew would happen when He called me to make such a commitment).

Now for many of you, this probably wouldn't be an issue. But I believe that I have a deep stronghold in my life in the area of food. It has become a comfort to me and, in some respects, an idol. I know that I make choices that are displeasing to God (because they do not honor my body which is a gift from Him), and yet, I don't care enough to stop.

Recently I read something in the Bible that shook me to the core.

Then they will call to me but I will not answer; they will look for me but will not find me. Since they hated knowledge and did not choose to fear the Lord, since they would not accept my advice and spurned my rebuke, they will eat the fruit of their ways and be filled with the fruit of their schemes. For the waywardness of the simple will kill them and the complacency of fools will destroy them; but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm. Proverbs 1: 28-33

You see, for years God has been speaking to me about my food "addiction" and my weight and I've just ignored Him. I've been complacent. And in the verse above I find that complacency will destroy me. It will destroy my health, my marriage, my self-image and, worse of all, my relationship with God.

So I'm committing this week to fasting for the next three days, until Wednesday night. At that point, I will move to the fast which my husband requested, from sunrise to sunset until the beginning of October. My goal in this is not really weight loss, but to overcome the strongholds that I've built up spiritually and to "discipline my body and keep it under control" (1 Cor. 9:27).

Now, I know that Scripture says not to make a big fuss when you are fasting and here I am announcing it to the bloggity world at large. My logic in putting it on here is multi-fold.

First, I would like to ask you to pray for me if you could during this time, that God will strengthen me and help me overcome these barriers.

Second, I want to encourage you to choose obedience, even when it's tough.

Third, if you are struggling with the same issues, I'd love to talk with you about them. Perhaps we can encourage each other.

Ladies, I have to tell you that there has been a revolution here lately.

Not the violent, Che Guevara type of revolution, but a revolution of love. Love in my heart. Love for the Lord.

A week ago I started going through a study by Catherine Martin called 6 Secrets to a Powerful Quiet Time with the women's' ministry at our church. In that short time I have come to understand quiet times, and even my whole relationship with God, in a whole new way.

During the week, we were challenged to find a life verse and a life goal. Now, the life verse I struggled with. After all, all of Scripture is from God and beneficial for us. I'm working on it though. But what really revolutionized my thinking was the life goal.

I've always considered my life goal to be things like this: being a godly woman, being a good wife, raising godly children. All very worthy things. But this is what I learned this week: my (our!) overarching goal should be that of knowing God. Intimately, radically, amazingly knowing God. And if we do that, all the other things I mentioned? They will flow out of that.

Throughout Scripture we see example after example of people who just want to know God more - Moses, David, Zaccheus, Hosea, Paul, and more. They made getting to know God better their goal in life, more important than any other task.

For years, basically as long as I've been a Christian, I've always wanted to have a regular, meaningful devotional life. "Quiet time," as it's known to many. But my motivation was completely wrong. I thought that if I were really a "good Christian" I'd be having a regular quiet time. That is probably true, but it's just a slightly skewed perspective.

I have been so in love with the Word this week because I have come to see that I want to KNOW God. Not just check off a box in my schedule somewhere that says, "Have quiet time." No, the motivation isn't just to become a better Christian. It's to get to know Him. To fall deeply in love with God. To understand His heart. It's a call to, as Catherine Martin would put it, radical intimacy.

And so, that is what I am thankful for this week. I know that many of you just drop by on Thursdays, doing the rounds of Thankful Thursday, so you may not know that six months ago, we moved to the nation of Qatar, in the Persian Gulf. It's been a struggle, let me tell you. Leaving our church, our friends, our home and family has been heart-breaking at times. But I have thought over and over this week, "God, if you moved me here just so I could be part of this study and learn what I'm learning, it's all worth it."

I may not have explained it all very well, but the essence is that this week, I'm thankful for learning that God, more than anything, wants a real, intimate relationship with me more than anything else. And I'm even more thankful that I'm starting to want that too.

In this second installment of our walk through Linda Dillow's book, Creative Counterpart, we look at Chapter 3, "God's Game Plan."

So, then, how does one go about becoming the "wife, woman and mother you've always longed to be?" Is there a 12-step program to follow? If I do A, B and C will I automatically be the Proverbs 31 woman?

We all know the answer to that is no. How do we know? Because we've already tried it all. And nothing changed in the long run. Why?

Or maybe you haven't tried everything. Maybe you are trusting in God to make you into the woman He wants you to be. After all, we don't have the ability to produce good works in ourselves - it all comes from God, right? So why hasn't He done it yet?

The answer is that this is a partnership. God is willing to do His part, but you must also be willing to do yours. If we try to do something in our own strength we will eventually burn out and fail because, yes, all meaningful change comes from the Holy Spirit. However, we can't just sit back and wait, not making any effort of our own.

Have you ever heard that marriage is a 50-50 proposition? That each partner in a marriage needs to give equally to make it work?

That is a lie from the pit of hell, my friends.

Marriage, along with our walk with God, isn't 50-50. It's 100-100. Each side needs to give 100 percent of their best effort.

So whether you have been the woman who tries to "do it all," then fails because you're, well, human, then feels guilty or whether you've been the woman who is all spiritual talk and no roll-up-your-sleeves-and-work action, knowing that your "talk" doesn't match your "walk" there is hope for you.

That hope comes in the form of this little verse:

"You must be even more careful to do the good things that result from being saved, obeing God with deep reverence, shrinking back from all that might displease Him. For God is at work within you, helping you want to obey Him, and then helping you do what he wants."

(Phillipians 2:12-13 TLB)

The most amazing part is when we consider who our partner in this endeavor is - God Himself!! We know that He can't fail us. Consider what He has already done for us:

1) He's given us a new position - We are now justified by our faith in Christ. Nothing we can do will make Him love us less. Nothing we can do will make Him love us more. If we suddenly became as thin and beautiful as a supermodel, as creative and organized as Martha Stewart in the home, as talented in the kitchen as Julia Child, as great a mom as SuperNanny would be (if she had kids of her own!), and as kind and loving as Mother Theresa, God would still hold us in the same regard He does right now. As His children. His love for us is not based on our merits, but on the basis of Christ's merits.

2) He's given us a new nature - Paul tells us that we are new creations in Christ. As Mrs. Dillow puts it, "God has given each of us a new nature, resulting in a new motivation toward godliness. This is proved by the very fact of your desire to understand what God wants you to understand about being His woman in the home." As we grow in Christ, we become more and more driven to be the woman God wants us to be in every area of our life.

3) He's given us new power - Just as God helped the Israelites in miraculous ways during their exodus from Egyptian slavery, He has worked miracles in your life. Perhaps not as dramatically, but miracles nonetheless. How abour your salvation? What about the peace He has given you during difficult times? What about the changes you have already seen in you as a wife?

Mrs. Dillow suggests that during difficult times in our marriages, we take time to write down a list of God's faithfulness in our marriages and of all the things we are thankful for. This helps us to keep our focus in the right place and off our own circumstances.

4) He's given us new promises - We have to claim these promises as our own, not just know them intellectualy.

He will never leave us - God promises to be with us, no matter what, regardless of the situation.

He will make us Christlike - According to Romans 8:28-29, God is working through all things, the good and the bad, to develop us into who He wants us to be. And what is that exactly? He wants to make us Christ-like. Very often we resist those things which God wants to use in our lives to develop that within us. They may be difficult, even painful, but they are tools in the Master's hands.

There is no temptation too great - Sometimes it seems that there is just no way we can obey God. Your husband isn't saved, or is an alcoholic, or addicted to porn. You are too far in debt. Your children are out of control. You are right - I don't know what goes on in your house. But God does and He promises that no problem you face is beyond His help. Nothing you are dealing with will He not be there, right by your side, to help you.

He will take on our concerns - Now this is something we all know. But like little children, we grab things back from Him because of our own fear and worry. Make it a constant decision of your will that you will "re-gift" your concerns to God. When you realize that you are worried about something, give it back to God. Tell Him that you know it's too big for you and ask Him to deal with it. He's your daddy and He wants to take care of you.

So what is our part? It's actually so simple in concept, yet sometimes so difficult in practice. Trust and obey. Do you know that old hymn? It's so sweet.

• Trust and obey
• For there's no other way
• To be happy in Jesus
• But to trust and obey

Trust - When we cling to the knowledge of the above promises, we can trust that God is always working things for our God. That irritating neighbor, the difficulties in your marriage, your rebellious teenager? All of them are a means to an end for God. It's only through struggling out of the cocoon that a butterfly is able to strengthen itself enough to fly away. Trust in the Lord that He is using those painful things for your edification.

Lift up your cares and concerns to God - and then step back and let Him carry them. Remember that He will not take you where you aren't able to stand. An excellent book on this is Hind's Feet on High Places. By reading this book, you will gain such an understanding of the way God works through painful things in our lives.

Obey - When our children were younger, we taught them the concept of "first time obedience." If they didn't obey immediately, it was disobedience. This has served us well. God offers much more grace to us, but still expects, and deserves, us to obey the first time. When you read something in the Scripture, or hear God speaking to you through a sermon, a book or any other means, choose to obey. I look at the example of the disciples. Jesus said, "Come" and they dropped what they were doing and followed Him.

If we truly trust, we can wholeheartedly obey, knowing that whatever He's asking of us is for His glory and our edification.

Step forward in faith, do what He says and let Him do the rest. If you take up your part of the battle to become a godly woman (and believe me, some days it is indeed a battle!) He will do His part. Don't worry about trying to be someone you aren't - like the Proverbs 31 woman. He wants you to be you, but His version of you. You just do your part and let Him worry about the big picture. Elizabeth Elliot has a great point when she says, "Do the next thing." Do the dishes need washed? Laundry waiting to be folded? Do what needs to be done next. Over time, that small choice will result in the formation of your character into the woman you desire to be.

So, you could say I've been a little obsessed with Facebook lately. In fact, that's part of why I haven't blogged in the last couple of days. All I've been thinking about is who can I search for, what groups can I join, who can I add as a friend.

As I drug myself away this morning to go do the dishes, teach my children, you know, live life, I started thinking about it. Why was I so motivated to find these people that, in many cases, I knew a lifetime ago? Why was I so hurt that the boy from middle school didn't remember me (Shocker!!)? Why did it bother me that one friend posted on another person's wall and not mine?

And I started laughing to myself at how lame I was. Craving the approval of others, finding my self-worth in who remembered me from 25 years ago. Hoping that people will see my list of friends and groups and applications and think, "Wow, she's got it all!"

In reality, I don't have it all. I argue with my husband, my kids misbehave (and apparently at times forget how to do division), my house is often a mess, I'm more than a little overweight, and I'm a big-time sinner all around. And yet...

And yet, I am saved by grace. I am redeemed by the Son of God, who considered me worthy enough to sacrifice Himself for. I am loved by the Creator of the universe, who know all about me - the good, the bad and the ugly.

So, for now, I'm backing off Facebook. Oh, I'll still check to see if any true friends are online, just to catch up. But I'm no longer going to seek out people from my past to see if I was memorable enough. I'm not going to worry any more about what people think of my status or my friend count.

See, I already know where I stand.

p.s. I'm not the only one with Facebook issues - check out Jess' post along the same lines.