Saturday, March 28, 2009

An Unwanted Companion

Lately, I have found myself with a new best friend. Except it's not really a good friend. There are no encouraging words being communicated. No loving embraces. No friendly phone calls.

Just a constant nagging. Incessant, annoying reminders of an unwanted presence. No matter where I go, I find my new "friend."

You may think I sound harsh. After all, I'm still fairly new in town and I could use any friends I can get, right?

Except that this constant companion I've found myself being pursued by is worry.

I've never been one to worry much. I just have always kind of gone with the flow and allowed things to progress however God lets them turn out. It's worked well. But in the last couple of months, I find myself having a constant gnawing feeling in my stomach and realize that I am always worried about one thing or another.

How my children are doing academically. How they are doing socially. How I'm doing socially. Money. My parents as they have health issues. My marriage. My new job. Taking care of the house. My weight. Money.

It seems like it's a constant merry-go-round. Just when one area settles down, another one presents with a whole new crop of problems. It's like the mythological Hydra, a many-headed beast. Once you think you've got one problem slayed, there pops up another.

It's an uncomfortable and disconcerting feeling. I know in my head that I just need to turn over all of the above-mentioned problems to God. But letting them go and actually trusting that He will handle all of them is harder than it seems.

Tonight I picked up an old favorite of mine, "Hind's Feet on High Places." It's the story of a poor, lame shepherdess who wants, more than anything, to escape her life of fear and worry and climb to the high places with The Shepherd. He promises to give her a new name and remove all her fear and worry. Her journey though, will be a hard one. He promises to provide her with two companions to guide her and help her through the steep, rocky mountain paths.

When she meets the chosen ones, she is dismayed to find that their names are Sorrow and Suffering. Why, she wonders, couldn't The Shepherd have given her Joy and Peace to be her guides? He assures her that He has chosen exactly the ones she needs to make the journey to be made new. Trust me, says The Shepherd.

And I do, I cry out; myself just a lame shepherdess. I feel like I am on my own path through the mountains and I have been given similar companions. I know that this is the way God has chosen for me to go and all the circumstances are ones which He can use to whittle away all that is not glorifying to Him. So I choose to trust, and walk forward with my hands stretched out to receive whatever tools God has chosen to give me to help me on my way.

4 comments:

Mylinda said...

Been there...know the feeling oh too well. Blah! But, He is still in control and He loves us beyond reason. :-) I'll be praying.

Nancy M. said...

Worry is an unwelcome friend that seems to tag along when you don't want it to. Hopefully you'll get away from that worry pretty soon.

Leeann said...

Oh Lori,

This is an area in which I really struggle too (as you know.)

Most of the time I can stay ahead of it, be positive, trust that there is a plan etc but then I hit ruts where the wave just builds and builds until I lose my footing and find myself tossing and turning in the sea, not knowing which way is up.

Love ya.
Leeann

Misty said...

i love love love HFoHP. such a beautiful allegory. might i also challenge you to read lam 3:21-36 (or so, can't quite recall teh "end" verse).... it has ALWAYS helped me thru any rough time... he does not willingly afflict his children w/ pain.. such a promise--there IS always a lesson or a plan to grow us!!

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