Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I'm Fired

My last post was a week ago. There I was, once again whining about balance and struggling to make my life work. I felt very defeated, very much like an unorganized failure. I know that there are women out there who manage to do it all, effortlessly it seems. I couldn't imagine ever being like that. I was convinced that I had to handle all the different facets of my life and make them work.

Thank God for Beth Moore.

As I mentioned before, I'm working through her new study on the book of Esther. It's been such a blessing to me, but last week she made a point that I found so freeing. She was discussing how Esther had already had the king, her husband Xerxes, as well as her enemy, Haman, over to one banquet and had invited them for another one the next day. We don't know the reason why she didn't reveal the dire circumstances she faced as a result of Haman's order to slaughter the Jews. Perhaps it was all part of the plan. Perhaps at the last minute she chickened out and blurted out an invitation for the following day to buy time to figure out what to do.

Regardless, picture Esther laying in bed that night, fretting about the next day, knowing that not only her own life, but the fate of her people were squarely on her royal shoulders. It had to be overwhelming. (Now, I'm not saying that the fate of a nation weighs on my shoulder, but I did feel overwhelmed.)

As she lay in bed, her husband was wide awake. The Scriptures say, "The Lord took away sleep from him." To soothe himself, he asked that the chronicles of his reign be read to him. Now, he'd been king for quite some time - perhaps as many as 10 years. And yet the portion of the chronicles that was read to him that night included something that would turn the situation on end. Xerxes learned that Mordechai, the prime target of Haman's rage and whom Haman planned to execute in the morning, had at one point saved his life by revealing a plot against the king. Even more, Mordechai had never been rewared for his good deed. Long story short, Mordechai ended up being honored and Haman ended up being on the wrong end of the king's wrath.

Esther did have her second banquet, during which time she revealed the truth of her heritage as well as the plot against her people. Her willingness to do whatever she could was rewarded.

In the same way, I just have to be faithful to do what I can do. As Beth put it, "it's tough being a woman who feels responsible for the how." The end result of any circumstance is not really up to us. It's up to God. All we can do is to be faithful in the details of what He has called us to do and let Him work. Oftentimes, it may be something as mundane as causing a sleepless night.

It was so freeing to me to read that I am not responsible for how things turn out. I do my best and let God work. I spend so much time worrying and stressing and trying to make everything perfect. Beth gave me some of the best advice I've ever heard: Fire yourself.

And so, to borrow a phrase from Donald Trump, I'm fired.

Fired and free. Free from the stress and anxiety. Free from the need to be the perfect mom and wife and woman.

All I have to do is my part. Thankfully, God promises that He will not give us more than we can bear. If I am faithful, He will use me to accomplish His will and He will be glorified.

That's a good thing.

4 comments:

ValleyGirl said...

AMEN! And welcome back!! ;)

Jennifer said...

Amen! We are doing the same Bible study on Esther.

Thank goodness, God gives us that freedom! We are to please Him first and then our husbands...that's all that matters.

stacey said...

we just started esther and will discuss week 3 and view video to prep us for week 4. i love beth and am enjoying esther!

thanks for the heads up on "firing myself"!!

Nancy M. said...

So glad you are feeling better!

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