Monday, November 5, 2007

Marriage Monday - Submission

1st Monday Every Month at Chrysalis
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Wow! Three posts in one day. Y'all might get sick of me!

But when I saw the topic for this month's Marriage Monday, I just couldn't stay quiet. It's that word that stirs up lots of emotion for most women - SUBMISSION.

For some it conjures up images of women being repressed, being oppressed and being depressed. For others, it brings to mind a simplicity and a beauty that comes from trust and love. I'm one of the latter women.

Though I struggle with submission I know, to the very core of me, that it is a beautiful thing. It can be freeing - which almost seems like an oxymoron. But hear me out...Submission to your husband, regardless of who or what he is, is a blessing, not a curse.

I know that many women are convinced that if they left things to their husbands, it would always be a disaster - that their husband isn't trustworthy, that he is a drunk, that he's not a Christian, that he's foolish. That may well all be true in your life. But submission isn't really about him - it's about you and God. It's about you, as a woman of God, placing your trust in God. It's about allowing Him to be in complete control.

Precious sister, God knows who you are married to. It's no surprise to Him. And yet he calls us to submit. Think of Sarah, Abraham's wife. Now, she had it rough! Her husband, not once, but twice, asked her to portray herself as his sister, allowing her to almost be taken into the bed of another man. And when God told Abraham to leave Ur, she went along for the ride, not knowing what lay in their future. Perhaps she thought he was crazy for leaving home to listen to some foreign god. I doubt there are many of us who can claim to have been married to a man such as Abraham.

But by allowing ourselves to truly submit (and I'm talking with a right spirit here) we can allow God to work - not only in our lives, but in our very spirits. Submission brings about true change in your heart. It increases your faith in God. It builds your trust in Him. It allows you to have peace, knowing that God, who works all things together for good for those who love Him, is in charge and holding your future in His hands.

Perhaps you believe your husband, for whatever reason, is not worthy of your submission. Trust me when I say that if you will submit anyway, you will see changes in him. Often, we women just jump in and usurp the leadership role. But if we sit back and allow him to struggle and adapt, they will often step up to the challenge. Yes, it may be painful for a while. He may make mistakes - mistakes that may hurt you and your family. But in the end, it will be worth the temporary pain. That is, if you can still support and encourage your husband in the midst of any failures. That is key. If you criticize and complain, you'll only push him away, but if you are supportive, he'll be willing to try again and possibly succeed this time.

I know it's hard. In fact, I struggle with this all the time. For some strange reason, it seems as if I have a harder time submitting to my husband in the little things. Move to the Middle East? Sure, honey!! Keep the desk cleaned off? Um, well that's a little harder for me to do.

I think it's because I've learned that I can trust him. I know that he's never made a decision that has proved bad for us, though I haven't always agreed with him. But the small requests? Well, they impact me more on a day to day basis. His opinion on something in the house (which I may feel territorial about - it's "my domain" after all!), or on the children's schooling are areas where I really struggle. The requests he makes aren't troublesome at all. It's just my rebelliousness rising up inside of me that makes me want to have my own way. I'm working on it.

The bottom line? Submission is God's plan. Not because your husband is any better than you. It's just like a corporate flow chart - someone has to be on the top, right? The buck has to stop somewhere. The way I see it, Hubby is the President and I'm the Vice-President of our own little organization. It doesn't make me less valuable - it's just a different role.

For a wonderful book that outlines the many blessings your marriage will see from submission, pick up a copy of
Fascinating Womanhood, by Helen Andelin. It will revolutionize your marriage if you embrace its teachings.

For more Marriage Monday thoughts, visit
Chrysallis, the host of Marriage Monday.

10 comments:

Susan said...

Hey Lori,

Great post! I think we shared some things in common on this subject for sure.

So nice to meet you!

Susan

Jana said...

Great thoughts! I like the example of Abraham - he couldn't have been an easy man to submit to! Thanks for sharing!

ValleyGirl said...

You're so right about submission being easier with the large things but tougher with the seemingly unimportant things. I can totally empathize with that!

I like how you've pointed out the submission is about women and God primarily. Very true, I believe, but so difficult to remember when things aren't going the way we want them to, or think they should.

Submission is also key to helping our husbands hang onto or develop their masculinity as well -- true masculinity, like God intended men to have. (not to be confused with machismo or dominance)

Very good post, Lori.

Jen@BigBinder said...

This is so true - and such a tough thing (for me anyway) to get my mind around. When I submit, our marriage goes so much better for both of us but then I fall off the wagon and have to work really hard to get back.
Great post, a lot to think about :) When we are trusting our husbands we are trusting God, for certain.

Living Beyond said...

Thank you for your post - wow I am learning so much this Marriage Monday! Thanks again

e-Mom said...

This was an excellent post Lori, and full of wisdom. Thanks for sharing your heart so boldly. (BTW, nice to meet you!)

These words of yours especially spoke to me: I know that many women are convinced that if they left things to their husbands, it would always be a disaster - that their husband isn't trustworthy, that he is a drunk, that he's not a Christian, that he's foolish. That may well all be true in your life. But submission isn't really about him - it's about you and God. It's about you, as a woman of God, placing your trust in God. It's about allowing Him to be in complete control.

Amen sister!

Thanks for linking up to Marriage Monday today. Hugs 'n prayers, e-Mom

Teresa said...

It sounds like you have been in my house for a while. I am there with you and at times it is very difficult I just keep telling myself I am not walking out of a blessing because of disobedience to the word. So I am a proverbs 31 women and i adore,admire ,reverence,honor,esteem and submit myself to my husband .

Tracy said...

How very true great post today! We did a great book on this in a ladies bible study in our church. The book is by Debbie Pearl called "created to be his help meet". It's an awesome book and has so much truth to it. It's hard to be submissive at times but in the end I know that God is in control of all things and I'm doing his will by submitting!

Jessie said...

Great post! I had to laugh at the cleaning off the desk part...*teehee*

You really did a nice job helping us to get a visual picture of this topic. I enjoyed the visualization of Sarah and Abraham.

Connie Marie said...

Submission to your husband, regardless of who or what he is, is a blessing, not a curse.

I believe in submission - but I have a big problem with a woman submiting to a drunken or otherwise ungodly man. I know that the Bible speaks on this. That if they agree to stay together a woman can by her good conduct lead a horrible man into a walk with God. I believe a woman in this situation should submit to God, not to the man. She has to stand true to God's ways and not to the whims of a man that does not acknowledge God in his life, nor does he want to while at the same time being loving. I believe that if this man threatens the well-being of her or her children that she can decide to leave him.

I may be wrong... I asked that God teaches me if I am.

Thanks for your perspective on this. I have to admit that at one time I believed that a woman should remain with him in any situation. Now, for sexual sins, I have changed my stand on submission when dealing with that type of setting.

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