The Simple Life at Home

I've been thinking about writing this post for a week or two now. It's just hard for me to write it. Hard to know how to put into words what I'm thinking and feeling. I guess the place I want to start is about 15 years ago.

I had returned a couple years earlier from working in the mission field in Austria. I was assigned to work with refugees, mainly from Eastern Europe. During my time there, I developed a real heart for Romanians and for all that they had been through during the brutal reign of Ceaucescu. When I left Austria, I always planned to either return to Austria and work with refugees again, or actually make my way to Romania to live. So when, two years later, God clearly told me that I was going to marry Hubby it was a shock to me. Don't get me wrong - I was thrilled to marry such a wonderful man and have been very happy with him for the last 15 years. But still, it meant the death of my dream.

But I knew that God's ways are always best. While I only see a tiny fragment of time, God sees the whole span of it and knows how each little strand is interwoven with each other strand. So, while it was painful, I let that dream go. Still, to this day, I get a pang in my heart whenever I hear anything about Romania.

Well, I've had another dream that I think God is telling me to let go of. If you've read through this blog, you'll know that a big goal of mine is to move out of Florida. I just don't think it's going to happen. But you know what? I think I'm ok with that. (That was really hard to write!) I can't explain it, but somehow God has made it ok with me if I have to live here in Miami for the rest of my life. I'm not happy about it, not by far. But I know that I can trust God and that makes it ok. In Jeremiah 29:11 God promises his people, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." See, if I didn't have the assurance that God knows what he's doing infinitely more than I do, I would be a mess right now.

But just like my life with Hubby has been a life of joy, even though it wasn't what I had originally planned, my life here in Florida can be that - if I allow it. If I insist on getting MY way, I can continue to live in misery and make my husband and children miserable right along with me. Or, I can choose to live a happy life, dealing with the problems and irritations of Miami as they come along, but still living joyfully in Christ and making our home a refuge from all that I hate about this place.

Now, just to clarify, moving out of Miami is not completely out of the question. We are considering other parts of Florida (any part which still seems to be part of the United States would work for me!). But I'm not going to push for my will anymore. I'll wait for God to move. Because unless he leads us somewhere, I don't want to go anyways.

There's a song that beautifully describes this death of a dream when it becomes clear it's not what God wants. It's "Surrender" by Barlow Girl. A video of the song is below, but here are the lyrics: