Monday, October 29, 2007

This is Hard

Waiting, that is.

Waiting to know if I will be, indeed, moving to the other side of the world. Waiting to know if our lives will be turned upside down. Waiting to know what new adventures await us.

The reality of the situation has begun to set in for my kids. They, understandably, are experiencing some very mixed emotions. They are sad at the possibility of moving away from friends, from the only church they've ever known. They are heartbroken that they may have to give up our dog (but shhhh...I'm investigating how costly it would be to get our dog over there. I don't want to tell them in case it doesn't work out, but I'd sure like to do it for them).

Personally, I'm just anxious to know so that I can move on with life. I'm a big planner (not always so good at following the plan, but I have to have the plan!) and being in such a state of uncertainty is causing me a lot of stress.

Each time one of my kids mention something that will be happening past, oh, say February, I panic because I don't know - I don't know if they'll be here to have a birthday party (Emily's 13th! I'd hate to pull her away from that!), I don't know if Daniel can go on the 4th and 5th grade retreat in April, I don't know if we'll be here for VBS - one of their favorite times of the year. I just don't know. And I hate that.

But maybe, just maybe, this is what God had planned. Maybe He is trying to teach me something through this. To just let go and trust Him. To let Him do whatever it is and to just follow His lead.

I have to say that I think I'm handling the whole thing pretty well. I mean, moving to the Middle East was never part of the plan, to be honest. But I find myself perfectly at peace with the idea. Actually, I'm kind of excited about it. It's just the uncertainty that is disconcerting to me.

But I find myself learning more and more that all of life is uncertain. Regardless of all the "planning" I do, I'm not really in control. I may have that illusion, but it's just that - smoke and mirrors. In the end, God is sovereign and His will will be done. He has ordained our steps from the beginning of time.

And I'm so thankful for that.

7 comments:

gail said...

i can relate. my hubby is looking at going back to school in NC. we are in idaho. the waiting is hard, but you nailed it. we must trust in the Lord and know that He is sovereign in our lives. thanks for sharing and reminding me to look to Him.

gail

Kari & Kijsa said...

Prayers that you will have your path made clear!

blessings,
kari & kijsa

~Java Mama~ said...

Amen...there is so much peace in knowing that he is soveriegn and in complete control but it is naturally hard for us to let go sometimes and surrender to His perfect will because the journey through it is not exactly always pleasant.

I will pray for you all during this time of waiting.

JOYfully in Him,
Kelli

Tracy said...

I hear you on the planning I am a major planner and have to know what's going on. Maybe not all the details but just knowing a date etc. is a must for me. I hope and pray you get your answer soon. The good Lord is watching us daily and taking care of us. You are right on with trusting in him he will hopefully answer your prayers soon.

ValleyGirl said...

Oh, I hear ya. Nothing is more frightening and helpless feeling than simply not knowing. I'm praying for you.

Leeann said...

Lori,

When are you guys expected to know something?

I can completely relate to what you are saying about the waiting... What I have come to find out is I am not a "limbo" person. I can cope with just about any decision or outcome but just don't leave me hanging...

I don't know why I don't remember that you have a dog. What type is it? How old is it? What are the requirements to take it with you?

Hugs,
Leeann

stacey said...

thanks for sharing!

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