Thursday, August 9, 2007

I'm at a loss

I'm in a pretty bad mood right now. I'm at the point where I'm tired of giving, only to be rejected. Not in a general way, but in a very specific area of my life. For the last two years or so, my hubby and I have hosted a Bible study in our home. We do this every other Friday. It's a commitment that we made to be there for the people in our group and we don't miss unless it's absolutely unavoidable (illness or out of town, basically).

But, while we have made this commitment, others in the group don't feel that same way it seems. Whatever other opportunity might come up, they take it. Be it a sporting event, a movie, a show, or they are just plain tired and don't feel like coming - there's always a reason. We have a total of 5 couples, including ourselves, and two women who come on their own. Only us and one other couple truly make this a priority. We are scheduled to meet tomorrow night (it's always on the 2nd and 4th Friday, so it's easy to plan for) and I've gotten messages from everyone except two couples that they won't be coming. One of them I haven't heard from at all, so I have no idea if they are coming or not.

I'm discouraged, I'm hurt, I'm basically fed up. If it were up to me, I would send out an email right now letting people know that we will no longer be hosting and/or leading the group. But, cooler heads are prevailing and I'm waiting to speak to my husband. He'll probably advise me to wait and think and pray. Men!

What do you do when you are in this kind of situation? When people don't appreciate your efforts and you feel used? Can anyone offer any kind of encouragement or Scripture to help me out of this funk?


Melissa said...

I'm not good at remembering scripture, so all I can say is that you should do what you yourself came up with. Wait and pray. Of course, you have every right to feel hurt and discouraged. I'm sure the group is more dynamic when all are present and participating. But combine yourself and your husband and the faithful presence of the other couple and make it meaningful. I have been in a group at church where we are supposed to get together in one another's homes. We have an entire year to get together a total of 3 times. (There are 3 families and we get together once at each home). You can get together as often as you want, but that is the minimum. The last 2 years we have hosted the 2 other families and have never been asked back either year. (The groups change every year). I ask myself why these people participate if they aren't interested. Then I (try to) remember that I am only responsible for myself and I have to do the best I can. God knows I need help, too! Don't know if this (long winded) post helps, but I understand how you feel. Love ya.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure where it's found, I should know but I don't, but remember that scripture that says don't become weary in doing good? That doesn't mean that you become a doormat though. Whether or not you continue to lead this home group is a matter between you and Ibrahim and God. I do know that "the other couple" really likes the group. I guess you have to just pray about it and decide whether the Lord wants you to continue it. It should be a committment on everyones part. Maybe you could have a meeting and let them know how you feel and if they don't want to make the committment they can leave the group. That way you could open it up for others to join who share your desire for a committed time to meet.
I'll pray for you as you make this decision.

jess said...

when stuff that used to bring me joy starts to feel really hard and not work as well, sometimes it can be a sign for me that the grace to do it is lifting.
as far as a scripture, what fruit (Gal. 5) is this bringing for you, your husband, and these couples?
i've been there, it's hard to put so much out and get so little back..

Leeann said...


I think that once summer is over (are these homeschooling families or regular ed families?), you should all convene either in person or via email and "take the temp" of the group. Discuss the preparation and planning involved in the meetings and ask the couples to decide if they are able to commit or if their schedules no longer allow them to continue. Offer them a graceful "out" and see where it takes you.

That is what I would do, for what its worth.

Big hugs,

Charity said...


This is yet another way that you remind me of me. DH and I were involved with a small group. The original hosting couple (but not leaders) didn't want to host any more so we volunteered. Then the original leader didn't want to lead any more so we volunteered. Then we dropped down to 2 other regular couples and a few once-in-awhiles. One couple became irregular and then it was just 2 couples. We finally stopped meeting at all.

I do miss our small group. I miss the extra time spent studying, the people, the fact that my house got a quick cleaning at least once a week, but I don't miss the wondering if anyone was going to show up and having to put Sunday evening plans on hold to find out.

At some point we will probably join another group, but for the time being we are doing in one at all.

Is there a natural break in your study or at a certain time of year that you could say you are going to stop the group? Or perhaps the day of the week is difficult for people and you could poll them on what day they would be able to commit to? And at the same time find out if they want to commit at all.

Please update us on what you decide.

Deb said...

That's got to be tough. Have you tried signing a commitment clause? Where you outline the expectations and see if others understand and are willing to commit to it? Enough advice. I'm sorry you're hurting and I hope you feel uplifted by your hubby by the time you read this.


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